This sounds like a dramatic post, doesn’t it?
It’s not. Not really.
I just wanted to get your attention. Looks like it’s working so far. But it is about losing my heart. Sort of.
A couple weeks ago, my brother’s family came over for breakfast and a play date for the kiddos. Somewhere along the way, we started talking about memories, and my brother shared one of his core childhood memories with me.
“I still remember that time you lost your heart sticker,” he began.
“Wait, one of your core memories is about me losing a sticker?” I asked.
“Yeah, do you remember that?” he asked.
“Nope. Don’t remember it.”
“You don’t? We were in the garage trading stickers with one of the neighborhood kids, and you said there was only one sticker you wouldn’t trade: your shiny heart sticker. It was your favorite. But the boy really, really wanted your sticker, so he just grabbed it and ran off with it! I was SO MAD!”
“What?! I totally don’t remem… waiiiiiit… no… I sorta remember that… oh yeah. Yeah. I remember that. Yup. That was sad,” adult-me said, remembering the uniquely childlike sting of losing the coolest sticker in your sticker collection. “Why do you remember it so well?” I asked, puzzled that this made it as one of his core memories.
“I was SO MAD that he took it from you, and felt like I should have done something to get it back. I think that’s when I started to get overprotective with you. And I remember feeling so upset when you had your bully in first grade, and when those girls picked on you in middle school,” he continued.
As he recounted some of the most unpleasant memories from my childhood, my heart swelled. Instead of feeling bitter about the experiences younger-me had gone through, I was warmed to learn the effect my trials had on him. He cared! He wanted to protect me! He loved me. I was so thankful that those experiences happened, even if only to ignite the fierce brotherly protection I knew so well for most of my life. I mean, as annoying as it was to have my big brother insist that I wear looser-fitting shirts or to threaten to intimidate any suitors in high school, I also loved knowing that someone cared enough to fight for me. It made me feel valued and loved and cared for in a way nothing else could.
And none of that would have happened if the neighborhood boy hadn’t stolen my favorite heart sticker. Or if Chad Brown hadn’t bullied me every day on the walk home from the bus stop in first grade. Or if those cruel middle school girls hadn’t decided to make my life hell in eighth grade (okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic… but really, middle school girls can be so evil…!).
This was all still fresh in my mind when I was scrolling through my Facebook feed last week. My eyes fell on a status update by Adam, one of the boys in my small group back when I had been a counselor at our church’s youth group. He was in college now, and gave me some serious food for thought with his Thanksgiving Day post:
We often take today to be thankful for all of the blessing in our lives, but we hardly ever take the time to reflect on the storms and trials that life brings, as well. So today, I’m going to be thankful for all of the hardships I’ve endured that have brought me to where I am today.
I’m thankful that my mother died when I was very young, because it brought my family closer together. It also brought my amazing step-mother and little brother into my life, and they have made it so much more joyous ever since.
I’m thankful that it took so long to recover from that loss, because it taught me to be patient and to trust that pain will subside.
I’m thankful that I have and still continue to struggle against depression, because it has taught me how powerful and real emotions are despite how illogical they may seem. It has taught me to trust myself, not my emotions.
I’m thankful that I’ve attempted suicide, because it showed me how deeply my friends and family cared for me and how devastated they would be if I became lost. It’s been years since I’ve had a suicidal thought, and I’ve become more empathetic, compassionate, and caring towards others since.
I’m thankful for all of the struggles that have gotten me to where I am today. They forced me to grow, learn, and become the best version of myself. They taught me to engage in the world and be an active participant, rather than just sit back and take the beating. I’m in a place where I am happy, loved, accepted, and thriving. I am so thankful for everyone and everything that got me here.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! May your turkey be moist and your hearts be full as your stomachs will be!
I was floored, because there are many ways to find a silver lining behind a cloud… but this was like finding it in the midst of a blizzard, where most people are struggling even to see one foot moving in front of the other.
I don’t think he’s saying he’s glad all these things happened. I think he’s hinting at a secret- the secret to deep-seated joy, contentment, and meaning in life. Because it takes something really special that most people must not know about to choose that attitude in those circumstances.
So, like Adam said, it’s easy to be thankful for the blessings in life. I have an endless list of those that I could count up. But I am also going to find reasons to be thankful for the harder things in life, like losing my heart sticker… or losing part of my heart when a loved one passes.
I think Laura Story’s song encapsulates this beautifully.
Be blessed.
10 responses to “What I Gained from Losing My Heart”
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Aww so touched by Adam’s sharing!
Right?? That kid is so encouraging :).
thanks for sharing… and for his sharing
<3
You are such a blessing to me. Your posts almost always have something useful and encouraging and thought provoking to help me grow in my heart size and wisdom (the only posts that don’t are your recipe posts…recipes overwhelm me. I’m a beans and rice survivalist, but not by choice. I believe it is my genetic lot in life.)
Aw, thanks Terri! That means a lot to me! Hehe you can skip the recipe posts =] My mom skips them, too… hahaha :).
Beautiful post, JoEllen, and Adam has such a wonderful perspective on hardships in our lives. Two sides of the coin… we need dark to know light, we need difficulty to know ease… we need sorrow to know joy. <3
Truth. Thank you for your beautiful words, Dakota!
Beautiful post! Reminds me of the song “Unanswered Prayers” because sometimes we have to be thankful for things that have changed our direction or brought us to a different place and often a better place.
Oh I’d never heard of that song before! Thanks for sharing. Just listened to it :).