She walked up to me, hands cupped and eyes bright, “Yes, please!”
“Here ya go,” I said, pouring in a handful of Goldfish.
“Thank you!” she chirped, and scampered off to recess.
The next student approached, hands cupped in a similar fashion. I repeated my action, giving him a dose of orange salty goodness.
“Thank you!” he smiled, as he sauntered off stuffing his mouth full of crackers.
One by one, all the students who wanted crackers at recess approached with the customary outstretched hands, and each one offered up a cheerful “Thank you!” as soon as I poured the crackers in.
It never got old. Day in and day out, I heard these two simple words of appreciation from dozens of children, and it never got old. Polite children are always refreshing. And, I’ve found, they are also more grateful. They exude a more positive attitude, and they grow to be more kind to others. Common courtesy is an essential skill that needs to be taught.
I think I’m generally nice, but I can’t say I was always the most polite person myself (and I still fall short of my gentleman husband by a long shot!), but I think I’ve grown in this area ever since I became a teacher. After all, one of the best ways to learn something is to teach it. How could I expect politeness from my students without striving to exemplify it for them? As I insisted on their pleases and thank-yous, I mirrored the language constantly and found myself growing increasingly polite and appreciative of them, as well.
As I read them, I even found myself taking mental notes for personal application. It appears the contents of the book really sank in for me, because now that I’m skimming the table of contents, I see that I had applied a lot more of his rules in my classroom than I realized. I’m glad. It made me a better teacher, and probably a better person.
One of the rules that made the most obvious impact in my students was Rule #9: Always say thank you when given something. The elaborated rule goes like this:
Always say thank you when I give you something. If you do not say it within three seconds after receiving the item, I will take it back. There is no excuse for not showing appreciation.
The three second rule sounded a little rigid. The taking things back part also sounded like it could be very, very un-fun. He shared examples of being firm and consistent with it, even to the point where he took a lollipop away from a student who failed to verbalize thanks. Even worse, a girl in his class won a set of books as a prize and was so excited about it that she forgot to say thank you. Did he really? Yes, he took them back. Ouch!!
But the point was clear. The expectation was that students would express appreciation anytime anything was handed to them.
So I tried it. Starting on the first day of school, I made it clear that they needed to say thank you every time I handed them something. Anything. A snack, a piece of paper, a pencil, a test, a packet of homework. We practiced, first with treats, and later with mundane items like paper. I drilled it into them, ending the day with popsicles and many, many reminders to express thanks… mostly because I really, really didn’t want to have to take a popsicle back from a kid.
In the beginning, I would frequently preface any handing-over-of-items with raised eyebrows and a hinty look that said, “Rememmmmmber to say thankkkk youuuuuuu,” especially when I knew it was something they would very much want to keep. I encouraged classmates to help remind each other, and there definitely grew a sense of teamwork and camaraderie in the pursuit of politeness. This was excellent, and was definitely something I wanted as part of our classroom culture.
It did occur to me that a student might try to be clever and not say thank you when I handed them something less exciting, like a test or a homework packet. So I out-clevered them. If a student failed to express thanks for such an item, I took it back… and then gave it back to them once I had finished passing out everyone else’s. This meant the child was sitting in their table group, waiting, while everyone around barreled down and got started on the test or tucked away their homework packets into homework folders. In these cases, they didn’t actually get to skip anything. They just had to wait that much longer to get started, and the consequence was a sense of falling behind as those around them moved forward. I swear, you’ve never seen kids so grateful to receive a math test before. I like it.
Over time, I found that this seed of politeness grew beyond offering thanks only when given items. When students handed their lunch cards to the cafeteria lady, they said thank you. She often would look up at me, marveling at how polite the students were, and I could tell she appreciated the respect and appreciation they communicated with these simple words. When the custodian snuck into the classroom to refill the paper towels, someone would always remember to go thank him. When I held the door open for them, they would look up and express gratitude. When we returned from a field trip, someone would always say thank you for the field trip with genuine appreciation. I knew we’d hit something good when students began thanking me for teaching a lesson particularly well (what kind of 9-year old even notices that kind of thing?!) or if I read a book they really liked.
You, my dear, are most welcome.
It never got old.
Polite children are always refreshing.
Parents would report back to me that, “Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. My kid has never been this polite before!” They would share stories about how their child was suddenly opening and holding doors for others, saying thank-you to checkout clerks at the store, and thanking their parents for everyday actions that had previously gone unnoticed and unappreciated, like driving them to soccer practice.
The thing is, it started off as a forced routine of saying these two simple words: thank you. But as kids verbalized this gratitude, it watered the seeds of true gratitude in their hearts. As they said these words again and again, I think they began to realize how much they are given, and how much they really have to appreciate. And they started to appreciate everything more. They appreciated not only being given items, but being served and taken care of. It cultivated an attitude of gratitude that extended beyond my classroom doors and into their real lives. It was beautiful.
I like to think that, like Ron Clark, I have students who continue on to twelfth grade and are still generous with their thanks. If not, at least I hope I have inspired some of you to ingrain this habit into your own children for the long run. Someday, they’ll thank you for it.
16 responses to “The Extraordinary Power of Two Simple Words”
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Thank you for your blog. I share this with my family who have young children and with friends.
Thanks, Priscilla! That means a lot to me! =D
Thank you for this post and for instilling this habit in your students! As someone who works with middle schoolers and sees a lack of basic politeness on a daily basis, I can only imagine what could be possible if all teachers made this an expectation.
Yes, the students who came into my class with manners really stood out in a different way! Let’s continue to try making the world a better place :).
I love this lesson. I will try to remember to reinforce this with my grandchildren. Thank you for a beautiful reminder!
Aw I’m so glad!
I love the words thank you, and I love even more how surprised someone is when they hear it (and aren’t used to it)! I’ve worked on this with both my kids – to the point where I think other adults think I’m being show-offy or something, because I pointedly tell my kids to say thank you. Meh.
I’m glad we’re in accordance on this one. I think the world needs a little more “thank you” in it! 🙂 (Thank you for the post!)
There’s nothing show-offy about having manners. I love that you instill this habit into your children! Thanks for the comment :D.
Wow!!! This is so so great. A question though: which grade levels do you think is appropriate to teach this to?
Oooh I’m not sure. Definitely doable for third grade and up– might be a little hard for second graders to understand why you’re taking something away from them though hehe… but I don’t have much experience with second grade, so maybe it would work? (Anyone else feel free to weigh in!)