This story is several months old, but I think of it all the time.
It was a Sunday. I know this, because we skipped church that morning. We had to, since my daughter had come down with a 104 degree fever. She had been sick for a couple days, and I was grateful for the weekend so Ben could step in and take on some of the burden of taking care of the kids. She’s usually a darling, but this sickness was making her kind of a mess- a hot, crying, whiny, screaming mess. So this weekend, I was especially grateful for backup.
It was still a lot of work. Taking care of a sick toddler and a newborn is hard. I was still nursing my son several times a day, and we were also in the middle of working through my daughter’s TWOS. Full blown 2’s on top of 104 fever = ROUGH TIMES. I think I was getting through a cold, too. So I was pretty ready to zonk out and call it a day.
Except I couldn’t. Because on Sunday morning, I woke to Ben sitting stiffly on the edge of the bed, looking at the wall.
“Oh no,” he said.
“What?” I said, groggily.
He slowly turned his body to me, “I tweaked my neck again.”
“What.”
“I can’t even move my head. Ugh. Oh man this is such bad timing.”
“…” (<–Yes, it is. It really is.)
“I can still get her ready this morning…” he started, referring to our sick toddler.
“No. You shouldn’t. You could make your neck or back worse. I’ll get her.” I mean, my intentions were kind, but I couldn’t control my tone of voice. I was NOT pleased with the situation. Ben was going to be out of commission the entire day?!?! NOOOOO!!!
“Ugh, no, you’re so exhausted already,” he began, “I don’t want you to have to-”
“It’s fine. I’ll be fine.” I was huffy. I knew he really did feel bad, but this was seriously not the best time for a tweaked neck! I tried to be sympathetic, but I think selfishness overwhelmed me and I was more sympathetic for myself than for him.
So the hard work continued. I got both of the kids up, dressed, fed, cleaned, and played with them. I took her to the potty and I changed all his diapers. She continued to be sick, I continued to be exhausted, and Ben… lay on the couch. In pain.
But useless.
I could tell he felt bad, and that he wanted to help, but I was too busy wallowing in self pity to tend to him any more than I had to.
Sunday was also the day Ben usually took out the garbage. So after making, feeding, and cleaning up lunch, I started working my way around the house emptying the trash bins. Ben was lying on the couch reading a book with our toddler, and I was just glad she wasn’t being fussy or feverish or whiny. Naptime was approaching, so I ran around the house trying to quickly gather up the trash.
As I ran upstairs to empty the diaper pail, I heard Ben’s voice trailing up the stairs, “Isn’t Mama amazing? She’s taking care of all of us. She made us lunch and fed you two and cleaned everything up!”
My daughter nodded in agreement. My heart swelled, touched that he would appreciate me this way with her.
“We should be sure to say THANK YOU to Mama!” he continued, enthusiastically.
(In case you didn’t know, he’s the best at saying thank you!)
I grabbed the upstairs garbage and headed back down. Before my foot hit the last step, I heard the two of them call out in chorus, “Thanks, Mama, for making us lunch!”
“Aw, you’re welcome. Thanks for saying thanks,” I said, feeling warmed inside. Some of the huffiness lifted off my shoulders.
I left the trash bags in the foyer and started my rounds downstairs. As I reentered their line of site with trash bags in tow, I heard him count, “1, 2, 3, go!”
And they sang out in unison, “Thanks, Mama, for emptying all the trash cans!”
“You’re welcome, you guys! Thanks for appreciating it!” I smiled back. My heart smiled a little. Well, this was nice.
I brought all the bags out to the big trash bin outside and rolled it to the curb. I jogged back in the house only to hear my people calling out, “Thanks, Mama, for taking the trash outtttt!”
“You’re welcome!” I called back. And then I started gathering up the recyclables.
“Thannks, Mama, for taking out the recycling!” they chimed.
“You’re welllcome!” I sang back.
Done with the trash, I loaded the last few dishes into the dishwasher and got it started. And then what? You guessed it: “Thanks, Mama, for starting the dishwasher!!!!”
It went on like that, those two thanking me for all the everyday, mundane things that I was always doing. But it still felt nice to be thanked! I felt super.
I could definitely get used to this.
Except, I haven’t. I haven’t gotten used to it. It has been months since that hard but good Sunday, and you know what? She STILL SAYS THANK YOU to me for the everyday, mundane chores of mom-life. On her own, without Ben at her side, prompting her. She says thank you when I make her food, when I wipe off the table, when I sweep, when I put away the dishes, and when I cut her fruit. She says thank you when I strap her into her car seat, when I tidy up the toys, and when I pack her lunch. SHE THANKS ME FOR DOING MY JOB AS HER MOTHER!!
I mean, I’ve tried to train her to be polite and say thank you, too. If someone gives her something, she says thank you. If I give her a snack at the park, I prompt her to say thank you. Whenever her grandma enters the house bearing fruit or origami treasures for her, she knows to say thank you. It’s relatively easy for a toddler to notice when they’re given a gift and to follow it with a verbal thanks. But I’m not as used to seeing toddlers even notice when somebody does an act of service for them- clearing dishes, doing laundry, hanging up clothes- much less express thanks for it.
I love it and I have NOT gotten used to it. I know this because every time she expresses appreciation like this, I am warmed and touched and so grateful to have a daughter who even notices that I am always serving her. I mean, she probably only thanks me for 1/50 of the things I do for her, but that’s still about 2-3 unprompted thank you’s a day. For stuff like picking up crumbs from the floor. And getting her a napkin.
It doesn’t get old, folks. Feeling appreciated is always in style.
I share this story for two reasons. One: apparently lying on a couch and singing out thank-you’s together for every single little thing a person does is a great way to cultivate gratitude in a toddler. Maybe it’s something about lying there and just being still and watching and noticing all the things someone else is doing to serve you? Maybe it’s having a grown-up model sincere thankfulness? Maybe it’s also fun to have an excuse to yell and sing loudly in the house :). Whatever it is, there was some magic combo happening that afternoon that made for a very impactful and enduring lesson!
The second reason I share this story is redemption. What started off as a bad day ended up paving the way for a beautiful lesson in gratitude and appreciation that continues to brighten our lives today. Looking back, one day of hard work was a very small price to pay for an enduring lesson for my toddler in noticing and appreciating the ways others served her.
I think that kind of redemption happens all the time- we just have to look for it. It’s not just looking for the silver lining, either. It’s more like realizing that all this lush growth was made possible only because of the storm. Maybe a storm-free life is easier, but no rain = no growth. (Or, in California’s case, no green lawns. Boo.)
We’re going through our own rocky season right now, and sometimes I wish we could cut straight to the normal, easy, and happy thing. But then I remember how God always redeems the hard things, and I completely trust that someday I’ll be able to look back and realize that this stormy time was actually holding a beautiful gift, better than anything we could imagine or engineer ourselves.
In the meantime, I’ll remember how fevers + tweaked necks = enduring gratitude lessons, and I’ll look forward to the day I’ll have an even grander story to tell.
8 responses to “Something Bad to Something Good”
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I read your story and found myself saying, “Awwww. I want that.” Expressing gratitude–one of the greatest gifts you can give. ❤️
Thanks, Rachel! And thank YOU for always being such an encouragement to me :).
Thank you for sharing this. You two are amazing parents!!!
You’re welcome! We have our off days, too, but we do love this parenting gig (most of the time… :D).
Thanks for writing this story. It really moved me and is a good one to reflect on.
Thank you, Patrick! That means a lot to me!
=) =) =)
🙂