She was perched in her high chair drinking milk when I peered into her face and sang out, “Today for breakfast, we’re having… PANCAKES!” She squealed with delight, showing enthusiasm for pancakes in a way only a toddler can really do.
“PANCAKE PANCAKE! I WAN SOME PANCAKE!!” (not a typo)
“Yep yep, just give me a few minutes to mix it up and cook it!”
Rookie mistake. Breakfast rule #1: Do not tell the child you are serving pancakes until the pancakes are already DONE.
Unfortunately, I had realized that twenty-two seconds too late.
So my leisurely pancake-making morning turned into a frenzied dump this dump that, mix mix mix, get the fire going rush to the whines of a hungry almost two year old.
“You need to be patient, sweetheart. It’ll be a few minutes. Can you be patient?” I asked.
Yet I knew, even as I was asking it, that my little girl had no concept of patience yet. I had to teach it to her. And before I could teach it to her, I had to break it down and define it in a way that made sense to a toddler.
Patience. Let’s see. How do I explain patience…? Patience is… waiting quietly? Hm, not quite… 2 tsp. baking powder… 1/2 tsp. salt… Patience… waiting with a good attitude? But she doesn’t necessarily understand attitude yet. 1 egg. 1 cup of milk. Honey. Patience is… waiting nicely? Yes. Let’s go with that. Waiting nicely. And how do I teach that?
Suddenly, a vision flashed in my mind of 33 students sitting up with straight backs, quiet hands, and eyes focused on me. If I could get 33 fourth graders to give me their patient, undivided attention, surely I could get this one 1-year old to do the same.
Okay that logic actually makes zero sense, but still, it was worth a shot.
I paused mid-mix and turned to my whiny child, “Sweetie, you need to be patient while Mama is preparing breakfast. Patience means waiting nicely. One way to wait nicely is to show me patient hands.” I straightened up, folded my hands, and began to count, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Do you see Mama’s patient hands? I’m so patient! Good job, Mama! Watch again. Mama is going to be patient with patient hands: one, two, three…” I smiled inwardly as I saw her watching me intently, trying to grasp the new concept I was presenting her. It was just two parts:
- Fold your hands.
- Count to ten.
I picked ten because that’s as high as this 1-year old could count, and it took her about twenty seconds to do it (she used to have a big pause between five and six). It was a good start!
“Okay sweetie, your turn to show me patient hands. Fold your hands… good. Now let’s count to ten: one, two…”
She suddenly transformed from a noisy, demanding, hungry child into a concentrated counter, looking all the parts of a patient child.
“GREAT JOB!!!!” I cried out, as she finished up her counting, “YOU ARE SUCH A PATIENT CHILD! Thank you for being patient! Now Mama is going to keep getting food ready, and I need you to be patient. Can you show me patient hands?”
She folded her hands again, and I lavished praise on her for her patience. Luckily, it was a quick recipe and the first pancake was ready by the time she had done her 10-count patient hands the second time, so the lesson didn’t drag too long and her patience was soon rewarded.
We practiced it a couple more times that morning, and I was quick to reward her obedience with bits of blueberries and pancake all throughout. She had patient hands down pat by the end of breakfast.
After that morning, I found that patient hands were super useful for toddler life in general. Sometimes, I called it quiet hands instead of patient hands, depending on the situation, but she picked up on the meaning of quiet hands quickly. I used it when we were at the store, when I needed her to stop grabbing at me when my hands were full, and when I couldn’t stand her banging on the table. If I felt that she was nearing a meltdown, I’d sometimes ask for quiet hands to give her something else to focus on. I tried to be careful not to overuse it, but it was a really handy trick to keep in my back pocket when I needed her to stop being grabby-grabby or just needed her to calm down and stop fussing.
Later, after our son was born, her behavior started to go a little haywire. Even though I expected some behavioral challenges during this time of transition, it didn’t necessarily make it any easier for me to tolerate. So as I nursed my baby all day and through the night, I started to devour books on toddlers and toddler behavior. (So much for not reading after having a newborn!). One of the books I read
As I predicted, she has since learned to count to ten really quickly (ironically, out of impatience, even as I am using it to teach her patience! Hah.). That’s okay with me. As we use this tool, I figure she will either count slowly and develop her ability to wait patiently, or she will learn to count numbers really quickly and develop fluency with numbers. Either way is a win to me! As she learns higher numbers, I’ll ask her to count up more, and someday, she’ll grasp the abstract concept of counting in her head. More importantly, someday, I will try to help her connect the outward actions of looking and acting patient with the actual inward heart attitude of being patient. More on that… someday.
Patience is not a skill or trait that most toddlers exhibit naturally, so it’s very important to teach it explicitly and rehearse it every so often so they remember what your expectations are. As with any new “trick,” don’t overuse it or your toddler will quickly tire of it. If you’ve got a toddler, try teaching them what patient hands means and use it to help your child learn self-control and patience!
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