This sounds like a dramatic post, doesn’t it?
It’s not. Not really.
I just wanted to get your attention. Looks like it’s working so far. But it is about losing my heart. Sort of.
A couple weeks ago, my brother’s family came over for breakfast and a play date for the kiddos. Somewhere along the way, we started talking about memories, and my brother shared one of his core childhood memories with me.
“I still remember that time you lost your heart sticker,” he began.
“Wait, one of your core memories is about me losing a sticker?” I asked.
“Yeah, do you remember that?” he asked.
“Nope. Don’t remember it.”
“You don’t? We were in the garage trading stickers with one of the neighborhood kids, and you said there was only one sticker you wouldn’t trade: your shiny heart sticker. It was your favorite. But
I just realized I ran out of scheduled posts. OOPS! Well hello, here I am in real-time again :). Yes, I had some real-time posts in the last couple of months, but for the most part my posts were scheduled. I hope you enjoyed the series of guest posts (I sure did!) and I hope you’re also happy to have me back :].
I have so many things I want to share with you. The transition from 1 to 2. Thoughts on thankfulness. Random things I remembered from teaching. An awesome chocolate shortbread recipe. A new toy I got… which begot a new idea on how to save time in the kitchen. My dad’s potato pork pancake recipe (*drool* finally got reproducible measurements out of him, which is a WIN for all generations to come!). There is so much to share. I have no idea how I will find the time to get it all out. Oh well. We’ll figure it out.
In the meantime, here are two things that I wanna put out there today:
I don’t usually do lists, but I just kept noticing these things and thought, I can’t be the only one. I know life is about 100x more convenient for the modern parent today than it was for our parents back in the day, but still! Parenting is no easy gig. Parents, read on and see if you can relate to any of these daily occurrences that you probably didn’t think twice about before having kids!
9 Things You Only Notice When You Become a Parent
9. Sidewalks that don’t have ramps.
This.
8.Where every drive-thru Starbucks is. Because as precious as that cup of coffee is, it’s just not worth lugging the baby out of the car for. Or maybe it is. Or not. Or is.
OR DRIVE-THRU STARBUCKS. Problem solved.
7. Where all the elevators are in the mall. I park at Nordstrom because it comes with an elevator which makes life with a stroller so nice! I also know exactly where all of the other TWO of the elevators in our expansive mall are located. And the nursing area. And the children’s play area. And Starbucks. And about 10 other kid-friendly places that, five years ago, I didn’t even know existed.
6. Uncovered electric outlets. You bring your toddler to a friend’s place and realize the world is truly a dangerous, dangerous place. What kind of crazy people don’t cover their electric outlets and cushion their coffee table corners?!
5. The absence of a gate is a wonderful, wonderful thing. We’ve gone through several configurations with gating off areas of the house in the last year or so, but we are now nearing the best one: NO GATES AT ALL. I can’t even count the number of bruises and bumps I’ve received from turning the corner too fast through a gate or tripping over a gate.
Every time we’ve removed one of the gates, I feel a new freedom as though we’ve renovated a section of our house. I love it.
4. Where all the automatic door opening button entrances are.
And all the nice people in the world who hold doors open for you so you can push that stroller through the doors without looking like a clumsy noob of a mom.
Anyone who has had a baby girl has had someone, at some point, compliment her on her cute baby boy. Unless your darling is decked out in frills, lace, pink and/or hearts, it can be hard for people to immediately tell what gender your child is. But I didn’t always feel like dressing my daughter in everything girly, so sometimes I used a simple bow to give others a hint. Also, they’re so CUTE! 🙂
It can actually fit quite a number of clips!
I bought most of these clips off Amazon
I’m not really that girly, and I don’t expect my daughter to be, but this was a super simple project that was both practical and looked nice. Why not? Also a fun way to display clips if you’re hosting a baby shower and hair clips are part of the baby shower crafting fun
Day 1: A package arrives at the door. It is a lovely congratulatory gift set including lush and sweet Harry and David pears from Ben’s boss!
Ben: OOH you can make your pear tart! Remember last time we had these pears and you made that pear tart? It was so good!
Jo: Yeah! (secretly wonders when she will find time to bake)
Day 2:
Ben: So are you going to make a pear tart?
Jo: Yup. But the pears are not ripe yet.
Day 3:
Ben: Are the pears ripe yet?
Jo: Not yet.
Ben: Mmm. Pear tart…
Day 5:
I have slowly been making our way through the pears, usually as a post-dinner dessert for the family. So lush and juicy– really, they’re something else.
Ben, with concern: Are you going to have enough pears for the pear tart??
Jo: Yup. Just need two.
Day 6:
Ben is short on sleep, and planning to hit the sack early. But then he realizes I am now making the pear tart.
Ben: Oh, I guess I’ll stay up for it, then!
Jo: Hm. After baking it for another 50 minutes, it’s supposed to sit in the fridge for two more hours…
Ben: 🙁
Day 7:
Ben: THE PEAR TART WAS GOOD! Is there any way you can get more pear in there? I really like the pears.
Dad: Did you make this? Just following a recipe? It’s very good!
(Note that this is actually Chinese dad speak for “JO YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING BAKER IN THE WORLD!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!” 😉)
I think this story speaks for itself. You should need no further convincing. This pear tart is worthy of your time. It is something Ben requests and looks forward to and I can think of few better ways to celebrate a gift box of sweet, creamy, and delicious pears! Plus, this crust recipe is great– didn’t get soggy, and would work well for a fruit tart!
P.S. The original recipe is actually called a “Pear and Almond Flan” but for some reason, that name doesn’t ring with me the same way “Pear Tart” does. Isn’t flan like a wiggly, jiggly eggy thing? I’m convinced this should be called a tart. And this is my blog. So there.
My quest for the perfect art display solution began about half a year ago, when my child glued this masterpiece together:
I loved it. While other parents carefully guided their toddler’s hands to place everything in just the right place, I simply helped her rub glue onto the loose pre-cut pieces and then let her have at it. I call it her Abstract Bear, and I love it. I loved it so much I put it somewhere super special… and now I can’t find it. Thankfully, she has since produced more artwork, and I have been only too eager to find a special way to showcase her talents.
I scoured Pinterest for ideas, looking for a solution that would meet the following requirements:
- Goes on the wall
- Easy to switch out various art pieces
- Accommodates various sizes of art
- Presents the artwork nicely so that even a dot could look like a piece of art
I knew the arrival of a new baby would be tough on her. I knew she’d have some serious adjusting to do, going from being an only child to a big sister. I had devoted the last two years of my life to her (nearly three, if you count the pregnancy), and she knew nothing but my undivided attention and time.
I had expected that she would start showing favoritism toward her daddy. I had expected that she would show some resentment toward her little brother. I expected she would be jealous for my time and attention.
But still, it didn’t prepare me for her bubbly soft and sharp-edged words: I don’t like Mama.
Tears sprang in my eyes and I stood there, unmoving. I was nursing her brother but trying to be part of her bedtime routine to encourage our former connection, trying to invest more of myself and my time in her. I knew she missed me, and that her words probably came from a place of confusion, but it cut to my heart like nothing ever has before.
I don’t like Mama.
I wanted to grab her and hug her and pour myself into her and remind her of all the good times we’d had together. I wanted to ask her, “We had a date at the museum, remember? I took you to the zoo, remember? We played at the park and went to the library and went for walks and played at Gymboree… remember? Remember?? I carried you for nine months, vomiting the whole way through, singing to you and talking to you and loving you… remember? I went through the excruciating pain of nursing you, with tears, sweat, and blood. Mastitis. Sleeplessness. But I persevered. For you. Remember?? I held you through the night and came to you when you cried and played with you in your fort and made you a beautiful room- remember? Remember, little bear? Don’t you know how much I love you???”
Instead, I walked out of the room and cried. It had been a few weeks coming, and this finally broke me. I don’t cry very easily, but it only takes a few words from my darling to break open the floodgates.
The next night, I debated on whether or not to join in on her bedtime routine again. It was asking for hurt. I knew she was going to ask for it, shining her sweet smile at me and asking, “Together? Do it together?” Every night since her brother was born, she asked that we put her down together, reading her book, praying, and swaying in a group hug as we sang her bedtime song. She would wrap one arm around Ben as he held her, and wrap her other arm around my neck, pulling me close to her and holding me tightly. I could hear her soft breath in my ear, and I sang gently and sweetly in her ear. I loved it. Though I am not usually a huge fan of physical affection, I could cuddle and snuggle with my children all. day. long. So I basked in that unusual display of affection and treasured the moments she wanted me close.
But one night, after pulling me in close, she suddenly pushed me away and said, “Just Papa.” I stood there, stunned, and tried to finish the song with Ben, but she pushed me away again and said, “Bye, Mama.”
I had never felt such cold, solid rejection.
I quietly walked out of the room and tried to tell myself it was all part of her transition and adjustment. She was dealing with a lot, after all, and a toddler only has so many ways to process such emotions, right?
The next night, she did it again.
And again.
And again.
Each night, my husband would come out and give me a comforting pat on the arm, offering a sympathetic look. I tried not to be jealous. We were a team. He was, after all, spending most of her waking hours with her, so this was only natural, right? And if she was going to prefer someone over me, it had better be him.
But after a while, you just don’t want to go in and get pushed away again. She was playing with my heart, and I was tired of getting stepped on. Each night, I would resolve to let Ben put her down himself, but when she looked up at me with shining eyes and asked, “Together? Do it together?” I melted each time and thought, “Maybe tonight, just maybe, she’ll keep me.”
And each time, it would end with her pushing me away, shattering my heart in a way only this 1-year old could do.
I knew I was asking for it, yet I kept going back, hoping she’d change.
She hasn’t, yet. Tonight, I walked out quietly again, wondering how many more times I was going to take this.
Why do I do it? I don’t know. Because she’s my daughter. Because some day, she will realize she’s not upset with me, and that I still do love her as much as before, even if I can’t spend as much time with her.
But mostly, I do it because I want her to know that I love her unconditionally, even if she keeps rejecting me. I want her to know that no matter how many times she pushes me away, I will always be there for her when she asks. Because that’s what Jesus would do. Because that’s what Jesus continues to do for us. No matter how many times we push him away, forget him, ignore him, put others before him, He still chooses to love us unconditionally. He is always there, and he will always be there when we reach for him- no matter how many times we’ve broken his heart.
He delights in nothing more than having us pull him close, enjoying the soft gentle song in his voice and feeling him close. He loves to be there for us, and loves to be loved by us. He loves to love us. And he will keep loving us no matter how many times we push him away.
I’ve never known heartache like the way I’m experiencing now. I never thought you could give so much of yourself to a little person, offer yourself so vulnerably to this immature and capricious creature, only to have your heart thrown around like a ping-pong ball.
I now know a little bit more of our Father’s heart- his devotion and affection for us, his delight in us. I also know a little more of the pain and heartache he chooses to endure for the sake of loving us. I don’t know why he does it, but I know I appreciate it a little bit more today than I did yesterday.
Wendy is not only one of my best friends, but she is one of the most passionate and hard-working educators I know. I’ve known her for nearly two decades, and I can’t believe I didn’t pick her brain on one of the topics closest to her heart until now! Now, you all get to hear her perspective and learn from her experience as a special education teacher. Whether you are a teacher or a parent, there’s a lot we can learn about this population and how to love and serve them better!
We decided to go with a question-and-answer style for this post, where I posed the questions. I know she put a lot of thought and time into sharing this information with you and I believe you will benefit SO MUCH from reading it! Please leave your encouraging comments below and share what you learned! ~JoEllen
Inclusive Education
This post originally appeared on http://www.cfah.org/
Please tell us about why you decided to go into special education
I knew I wanted to be a teacher from the time I was in high school. Back, then, I thought I would be an elementary school classroom teacher. During my senior year of high school, I volunteered at a class geared towards kids with Down syndrome. I fell in love with those kids! It was my first experience interacting with children with disabilities and it helped me to see that in so many ways, people with disabilities are just like the rest of us. They, too, need love, respect, meaningful relationships, and a good education. Then, in my time at Cal, I took some classes on Disability Studies. I started to learn more about the social justice aspects of inclusive education and how, as recently as the early 1970s, people with disabilities were often stuck in institutions and denied enrollment in public schools. Since the passage of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), children with disabilities are now educated in our public school system. I felt called to be the best teacher I could be for students with disabilities. I wanted to help find ways to facilitate students with disabilities participating in their general education classes, help them reach their academic and social potential, and be full members of a school community. I have stayed in this field because I feel that it has really allowed me to think about and teach each of my students as individuals.
What is inclusion all about? Why do it?
Inclusion in a very general sense is when children and people with disabilities are full members of our society. In the education context, inclusion means that all students with and without disabilities are full, valued members of the class and larger school community. Students with disabilities participate in the general curriculum and in class/school-wide activities alongside their non-disabled peers. Services and supports are given to students with disabilities in the general education setting so that these students can access the general curriculum and make progress towards their Individualized Education Plan (IEP) goals.
So in case you missed my Monday post, BABY BOY IS HERE! 🙂 He’s doing well! I’m doing well! The family is doing better than I expected… and overall, it’s been GREAT!
It’s been challenging, of course, but really, we’re doing much better than I had dared to hope for. A huge part of this is all the help we’re getting. Not only are our friends super wonderful and bringing us delicious meals all the time, but our parents have been awesome about coming over to help us out.
Having your first newborn to care for is challenging, especially since you’re figuring out everything for the first time. And, if you’re anything like us, you stress over every detail like crazy. I still remember freaking out a couple years ago when my husband opened up the car seat canopy to show off our sleeping baby girl in her car seat, when she was just a week old. I was sure she was going to catch someone’s flu or cold or something and almost had a meltdown right then and there. I know, ridiculous. I knew it was unreasonable back then, too, but… that’s the kind of stress I lived with the first time around.
This time, we had a group of friends over about a week after he was born and at one point, I literally did not know where my newborn son was. And I was totally okay with it. All this to say, having your first newborn to care for is stressful in its own unique way.
But having a newborn when you’ve also got a toddler running amok and requiring lots of your time and attention? That’s a whole ‘nother ballgame. Not harder, necessarily, but a different kind of challenge. The main drawback so far is that we cannot just “nap whenever the baby naps,” because unless my toddler is also napping, somebody’s gotta be up to watch her. This requires so much time and energy– two things parents of a newborn are generally short on.
Which is why I am SO GRATEFUL for the help we’ve gotten from our parents during these last couple weeks! So much so that I composed a list of ways to be awesome just like them. Partly as a reminder to future me, and also in case you are about to have a newborn and want to think of some ways your parents can help. Or in case you’re about to become a grandparent and want to know how you can be helpful to your grown children! Without further ado, my list (in no particular order) of Ways our parents have been super helpful with our newborn:
HE’S HERE! And he’s a delight! And we are doing well!! =D
And I totally should have gone to bed a couple hours ago, but, well… online shopping and me-time. Poor choices, I know.
And then I realized that I have no posts ready for this week. So I wanted to share with you something I made a couple months ago: a carseat canopy!
I could have gotten it for a reasonable price at www.carseatcanopy.com (they have these free deals every so often where you only pay for shipping, which makes it a good deal :)), but I wanted a unique design for my son’s canopy, and I also wanted to make something for him. I made a ton of things for his older sister before she was born, but hardly did any prep for baby boy’s arrival, so this was one of my small projects to say, “BABY BOY! I AM EXCITED ABOUT YOU, TOO!!”
Meet JoEllen
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