The other night, a few of us got together to celebrate A’s birthday. You could tell we were all moms, because as we all gathered at the dessert spot at 9:20pm (after every last child had been put to bed), all we could do was remark at how busy this place was at such an incredibly late hour. I mean 9:20PM. Geez. Party animals.
As we chattered away, someone mentioned that according to my blog, it appears that Ben loves EVVVVVVERYTHING I make. EVERYTHING.
Well of course he does. I’m a perfect wife. Aren’t you?
Yeah, that’s a lie. I mean, I don’t think I would keep many readers if I just kept blogging about all the things I did wrong every day. Maybe that’s fun to read about here and there… but probably not the best long-term strategy. However, in my attempt to share good things with you, I’m afraid I may have given the false impression that everything I do is a win. Hah.
So let’s change it up! Today I thought I’d share some things lately that have been a big fat FAIL.
Like the chicken I cooked in my new Instant Pot. I threw a frozen chicken breast in the Instant Pot and made up my own recipe. Cuz I’m pro like that, right? I made sure I hit the liquid minimum of 1.5 cups, threw in some sauce and seasonings, stirred it up, and put in on for 12 minutes.
Wow. IT WAS SO HORRIBLE. Dry and rubbery and everything bad you could imagine about a piece of meat. TOtally inedible. What an embarrassing fail. The worst part? Elaine was there, and she ate some of it, too. SO EMBARRASSING. SORRY ELAINE. Please come eat at my house again. I will not make up my own food this time.
And then there’s the time I decided we needed some pink play dough. More than the tablespoon or so that came in the Play-doh container. We were out of cream of tartar, so we couldn’t make this excellent recipe. No problem, I thought, that’s what Pinterest is for. So I looked up a few recipes, and was sure I’d hit upon a great way to use up the random bottle of hair conditioner with this soft and fluffy recipe that promised to make my hands soft while I played the part of Perfect Mom. Two ingredients. No problem. I was so confident I even took pictures of it to share with you. Because of course this was going to be great.
Well, maybe I didn’t do it quite right, because mine was not stretchy. Whenever we tried to mold it, it cracked. It was dry and crumbly and even though I added more conditioner, it just didn’t feel like something I wanted in the house. Because messy.
So after a lovely afternoon of mixing and kneading, I stored it away in a ziplock back and put it away. A week later, when I was pretty sure she’d forgotten about it, I buried it deep in the trash, like a sneaky criminal. She is still none the wiser. And I just ordered a big thing of cream of tartar, so we will not run into that predicament again.
When I told Ben what happened, he exclaimed, “THAT’S why the kitchen’s been smelling like that all week!” Yes, conditioner smells good, but it’s not the aroma I’m going for in my kitchen. Fail.
Also, kale fail. The blogger said her kids “happily eat this nutrient-packed veggie side dish without any complaints,” but when I made it, it did not taste delicious. Husband agreed. So did toddler. So did I. Either her kids and I have got really different tastes or I did something wrong. Fail.
But that’s shallow stuff.
I’ve been messing up on some big things, too. Important things.
For example, I’ve been thinking more and more lately about the way I train my toddler. In general, she’s got pretty great behavior, but ultimately that’s useless if she never learns her need for a Savior. Even worse, I worry that her great behavior may be a deterrent from her seeing her need for a Savior. If she thinks she is already good, then what does she need saving from?
This came to light when a loving sister shared this with me as a comment in response to this post:
Love reading your posts, as usual. My son’s school has some parent education classes along the same lines and they have been super helpful! I was just wondering if you would do the same thing with your own child in a Christian home as in the classroom. From an early age, I made an effort not to say things like, “You’re a good boy/girl” to my son or daughter. I think with loving parenting, most of us will have well-behaved children, but I don’t want my children to grow up thinking they are self-sufficient and not in need of a Savior. Therefore, when my child obeys and does something well, I’ll say something like, “I’m so thankful that God helped you to share.” Or if they are exhibiting sinful behavior, I’ll say something like, “Yes, it’s hard to obey because our hearts are not good. We want to do what we want to do and not think of others. Mommy is selfish too and that’s why Jesus had to die for me. We can pray that God changes your heart and gives you the grace to listen next time.” Of course this is what I aim to do, but half the time I’m screaming at them to stop fighting. =(
Word, Shirley, word. Thank you for taking the time to share those thoughts with me, because I needed to read it. It hit home. There used to be a time when I was careful not to tell my daughter that she was a “good girl,” for this very reason. None of us are good. But over time, I got caught up in the day to day and got very tunnel-vision-y on getting her behavior right. It will probably always be a temptation of mine, because it makes our lives so much more pleasant and easy when she’s pleasant and easy.
But in the process, I lost sight of The Important Thing.
The Important Thing is not that I have a well-behaved child. It is not that my child is polite and says please and thank you. It is not that she take care of her little brother, and it is not even that she is thoughtful and considerate of others. It is not that she be smart or hard working or confident. And it is not raising my girl to think that she is inherently good, that she should esteem herself highly, or that her own efforts are good enough.
They are not. At the end of all things, all of those things fall short. And there is only one answer.
(Jesus).
She is not a good girl and neither am I. My son is not a good boy and neither is my husband. We are a family of sinners. We are selfish, jealous, and we fail all the time. Not just over crumbly play dough, either.
It was never a goal of mine to make it sound like everything I do is a success, and the people who know me best know that is definitely not the case. However, I do believe that, by the grace of God, even my failures and mistakes can be redeemed for good.
I’ve talked a lot on my blog about how to shape behavior. You will have successes. You will also have failures. Today, you can learn from one of mine, and that’s focusing too much on the immediate things and forgetting about the important ones.
Good behavior? That’s nice, but ultimately, not that important.
Knowing and loving the Lord? In the end, that’s all that matters.
And as long as we have that, we can’t fail.
14 responses to “My Fails”
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Amazing blog today. You are wise beyond your years. So thankful for Jesus!
Thanks, Cindy, I really appreciate the encouragement!
What an amazing, inspiring post! Thank you so much for your honesty and your encouragement, JoEllen! I especially liked your friend’s comment: “When my child obeys and does something well, I’ll say something like, ‘I’m so thankful that God helped you to share.’ Or if they are exhibiting sinful behavior, I’ll say something like, ‘Yes, it’s hard to obey because our hearts are not good. We want to do what we want to do and not think of others. Mommy is selfish too and that’s why Jesus had to die for me. We can pray that God changes your heart and gives you the grace to listen next time.'” What an amazing idea for integrating the gospel into the everyday moments with one’s children! I can’t wait to be a mother someday!
Yes, it is so helpful to hear how someone else lives the gospel with their own children, isn’t it? Motherhood is hard and wonderful and so many more things. I think you will love it =).
At the end of the blog I was thinking “Yes!” Honestly in the middle, even tho I understand it, thinking there is nothing good in my kids is hard to swallow. Maybe because at a very young age they both asked Jesus to be their Savoir?
I was in church standing next to a friend of nearly 23 years and she is still
struggling with her sin issues from before she was saved 20+ years ago. The sermon was about living the life God wants for us. I know shes not and she knows she’s not and I pointed to this precious baby girl asleep in her mommys arms in front of us and said, “That’s the way Jesus sees you!”
Yes we are broken sinners in need of a Savior, it’s just hard not to see some good in everyone even if they aren’t in Christ.
Maybe I see their value and equate as good. Something to mediate and pray on.
My husband and I are focused on training them to lean on and rest in the Lord. I love the approach offered.
Hi Linda, thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts! You’re right, it IS a hard thing to swallow, and I understand that not everyone is on the same page about this. I love the imagery that Jesus sees us and loves us the way parents love their children (even more!). I also wrote about that fairly recently here :), and continue to think about it all the time as I walk through motherhood.
I appreciate Sarah’s 2 cents, and I think she put it quite well. I also see so, so much good in people (both those who are in Christ and those who are not) but I also think that goodness is a gift and grace from God. James 1:17 says that “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” I hope this helps shed some light as you pray and think about this! Thanks again for sharing.
(Reply to Linda)
One thing I like to remember is that “without [Jesus] [we] can do nothing” (John 15:5, NKJV). Yes, there is good in all of us, but what is the source of that goodness? It is not something that we have somehow manufactured in our own lives, but rather an indication that Jesus is striving with and working on each of our hearts. That’s why it is so important (as JoEllen’s friend pointed out in the post above), when your child makes a good choice, to attribute it to the work of Jesus on his or her heart. It is important that they learn from an early age that any good whatsoever to be found in their lives is only possible because of Christ. 🙂 #JustMyTwoCents
Thanks, Sarah! I think you put that really well :).
I’m so sorry because I’ve enjoyed your blog for a long time. I’m unsubscribing today because I fundamentally believe we are all created good and are all good. The need for a savior has been created by humans not God. I have no personal need for anyone, including Jesus, to be murdered to save me from my existential or literal failings. This blog saddened me deeply.
Hi Glenda, I have appreciated your kind words and readership over the years. I understand that we have fundamentally different beliefs, and I appreciate that you’ve enjoyed my blog all this time despite that. May it be well with you!