Wouldn’t it be nice if your child came home from school, and then started on their homework in a timely manner… without you having to remind them? With the start of the new school year, this is the perfect time for some tips on how to train your kids to be more responsible and independent, whether that means they regularly:
- start their homework on their own after school without reminders.
- practice piano on their own before dinner without reminders.
- do their nighttime routine on their own before bed without reminders.
Basically, the goal is to build a habit/routine in your child that doesn’t require you to get on their case about it. Sounds nice, right? Here is my guide on how to train your children to develop that independence!
To get the most out of this post, it would help if you first read my thoughts on rewards and consequences. I will write the rest of this post with the assumption that we have this common background.
How to develop a new habit in children
I use rewards, consequences, and a clock.
1. Start with one goal you want your child to meet, such as:
- Starting their homework by 3:30pm each day without you asking, or
- Doing their daily 20 minutes of silent reading each day by 4:00pm, or
- Brushing their teeth by 8:00pm each day.
2. Have a talk with the child about how you will reward them for meeting this goal:
Parent: Okay Lily, I have a new goal for you to work on. You know how you have to read for twenty minutes every day when you come home from school? From now on, I want to see you to start and finish that yourself every day. We get home at about 3:00 every day. Go ahead and eat your snack when you get home, but then I want to see you with a silent reading book out by 3:30pm. Then I want you to read continuously for 20 minutes. If I see you quietly reading by 3:30pm, and you keep it up for 20 minutes by yourself, I will add a sticker to this chart! Once you get four stickers (Monday-Thursday), then we’ll go out for ice cream after school!”
Lily: YAY!
Parent: Here is the star chart we’ll use. I’ll post it here on the refrigerator. I’ve written in your goals: 1) Start reading by 3:30pm BY MYSELF, and 2) Read for 20 minutes STRAIGHT. Do you understand what I’m asking you to do?
Lily: Yes. Start reading without you asking, and go for 20 minute all at once.
Parent: Good. Now, remember, you have to start on your own. If I have to remind you to do it, will you get a sticker?
Lily: No.
Parent: That’s right. You will still have to do the reading, but you wouldn’t get a sticker. Sad. Do you remember what time you have to start by?
Lily: 3:30.
Parent: That’s right. Will it count if you start at 3:32?
Lily: No.
Parent: That’s right. Again, you’re still going to have to do it… but you wouldn’t get a sticker. Sad. Wouldn’t it be easier to just start at like… 3:20 and make sure you get the sticker?
Lily: Yes.
Parent: What if you stop after ten minutes and start walking around the kitchen, looking for food? Does that count?
Lily: No.
Parent: What do you need to do?
Lily: Read for twenty minutes straight.
Parent: That’s right. So remember, START ON YOUR OWN before 3:30 and GO for twenty minutes straight. If you start later than 3:30, or I have to ask you after 3:30, then you won’t get the sticker. We’ll use this clock here okay?
Lily: Okay!
Parent: Well, it’s 3:24 right now, soo… I’m not sayinnnggg anything, but… I’m just pointing out that it’s 3:24…
Watch as child scurries to backpack and grabs book and immediately starts reading.
3. Be sure to monitor them closely this first day, and be sure to reward the sticker! You really, really want them to make sure they succeed and feel that high of success this first time (and the whole first week, really). This first week is the most important in setting the habit. The following weeks are also very important, but the first week that much more important. You should start on a Monday, so there are five days in a row to reinforce the new habit.
4. The next day, feel free to give another supposedly-subtle-but-obvious reminder, like, “Oh look, it’s 3:28 right now… awfully close to THREE THIRTY… just sayin’…” and watch the scurry repeat. Grow increasingly subtle, but still do what you need (without actually telling them to start before 3:30pm, thus taking away their chance to earn the star) to help your child meet the goal that first week. As they get used to this new routine, they will start remembering to begin on their own more and more. If the child gets lax about it and doesn’t start by 3:30 on any one day, though, be sure to let them know they missed it at 3:31 and do not give the star:
“Ohh, it’s 3:31 and I don’t see you out with a book. Bummer! You’ll have to try again for the next star again tomorrow. Now you need to take out a book to read. Don’t make me ask you again.”
If you have set up a system of consequences with your child, then your child should know from your serious tone that, “Now you need to take out a book to read. Don’t make me ask you again,” is also a gentle but firm reminder that a second asking will actually result in a warning; she will officially be on the consequence track at that point.
5. Once you see that the child is regularly meeting the goal and able to remember to get started on the habit on their own, slowly start weaning them from the rewards. Eventually, they should just do this regularly as an expectation.
That’s it! It should take 1-3 weeks to set the new habit, depending on your child and your consistency.
Other things to consider
Are you able to monitor their progress?
Maybe you’re not with your child at 3:30pm, so you aren’t able to monitor their progress. That’s okay. Change your goal to something like, “Have your homework done before I am home from work,” check it daily, and award stars accordingly.
Does your child know how to read a clock?
Chances are there’s a digital clock nearby that the child can refer to, but if you only have an analog clock, be sure to remind them how to tell when it’s nearing 3:30pm, especially if they’re not very comfortable telling time yet. For younger children, it may be helpful to draw a picture of what the clock looks like at 3:30pm and post it next to the star chart.
Is the child able to do the assignment?
Sometimes kids dawdle because they don’t know how to do the problems, and they haven’t learned to ask for help when they need it, yet. Be sure they know that they can ask for help anytime, but it’s still their responsibility to start on time.
Be clear about your expectations to earn a star
If your want your child to “start homework by 3:30pm,” for example, be clear about what that looks like. Maybe you think that means they’re actually working on something, but maybe your child thinks that having a closed book in front of them counts. To avoid ambiguous situations, just tell them what you expect: “This means you have your math homework in front of you, your name is on your paper, and your pencil is in your hand. If those three things are not met by 3:30pm, it doesn’t count.”
Of course some children have other circumstances that may require different or further intervention, but for most kids, this will be very effective.
Happy back-to-school! 🙂
4 responses to “How to Train Your Kids to Start their Homework. On Their Own.”
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This could work for do many things! Thanks !!
Thanks for leaving the encouragement, Jill!! =D I love that someone else finds it useful! 😀
While studying in college to be a teacher, I was required to read The New Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease. It impacted my life significantly on how I raised my children in the area of reading.
Here is a link to his website:
http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/brochures.html
Thanks for sharing!