If you dig through your child’s backpack anytime in the next couple weeks, chances are you will unearth a request for a parent teacher conference! Sometimes I wonder how parents feel about these conferences. Do they look forward to meeting the teacher? Do they get nervous? Do they think it’s a waste of time?
Aside from the exhaustion of teaching all morning and then conferencing in the afternoons, I really looked forward to meeting my students’ parents and guardians. I loved learning more about my students by meeting the people who raised them, and it helped me remember that each of my students are somebody’s baby.
In a few years, it will be my turn to attend the parent teacher conference for my own baby. It will be so strange to be on the other side, but there are a few things I hope to keep in mind when that time comes. Here are some tips I have for parents (including myself) when conference time approaches. They are by no means true for every other or any other teacher, but they are just some thoughts based on experiences I’ve had as a teacher.
1. Show up to your conference. On time. In my first year of teaching, I naively assumed that parent-teacher conferences were important to everyone, and sent out only two notices about the upcoming conferences. That year, half of the parents did not show up for their conference! Since I was legally required to meet with and get signatures from most of them, it was quite an ordeal trying to reschedule 15 conferences on top of my normal teaching schedule the following week. If you can’t make it, at least try to call the teacher ahead of time to give her a heads up. Also try to be punctual. It only takes one parent running 10 minutes late to push all the following appointments back 10 minutes that day.
2. Don’t tell the teacher too much. I’m your child’s teacher, not your bestie. It IS possible to give me too much information. Some stuff is for family to know ONLY. If it’s pertinent to their education or helps shed light onto their development at school, by all means, share. But bathroom stuff stays in the bathroom. (Can you tell I’m still a little scarred? 😯 ).
3. On the other hand, share stories. I usually only see your child at school as a student: someone who reads, writes, listens, talks, and problem-solves. I don’t know the rich experiences, life, and strengths your child has outside of school. Sometimes hearing about their success on the soccer field or an interaction with Grandma really changes the way I understand and view your child. You can really help me care for your child more by opening up other parts of their life to me. When I get a glimpse of their strengths, joys, and compassion outside of school, I feel compelled to bring out the best in them at school, too. Sometimes we just need reminders that these are your children, and not just our students.
4. If you can, find childcare for your adventurous toddler. If your young child is relatively calm (can sit for 10-15 minutes without screaming), no problem. But it’s really hard to make progress in a conference when a toddler is screaming at the table the whole time. It’s also really hard to focus if a child is walking around the room and pulling books and models off shelves, opening up whiteboard markers and jamming them against the whiteboard and cupboards, or otherwise wreaking havoc in the room. If your child is the adventurous type, considering asking your older child to tag along to watch them.
5. If you are divorced, please don’t make us pick sides. We are ultimately here to support your child. We know you are, too. When it comes to divorced parents, there were a few pairs that stood out that I really appreciated. They came to the same conference (helps keep everyone on the same page and increase consistency), and they were clearly on the kid’s team. They put their personal differences aside, and really tried to cooperate and communicate positively to make the best plan for their child. I understand this isn’t possible for everyone, but for those who can, it helps.
6. I’m on your side. If a teacher is suggesting that your child may need special support or accommodations, there are reasons why. If you doubt them (which can be totally valid, too), check with your child’s previous teachers and see if they saw similar needs.
7. Be careful about comparing your child with siblings. Maybe your first one was a gifted writer, and your second one doesn’t love it (yet). I probably know that already. It only takes a day to learn these things about children. It pains me to hear you say to your son, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” Not only does that not help, but it will make him feel even more sure that this subject is not his thing– it’s his sister’s— and he will just hate writing more.
8. A cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt. One time, a parent arrived with fresh pastries from a local bakery as well as a cold bottled water and a Frappucino. Maybe some other teachers will think it’s sucking up, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s just a nice thing to do. I’m usually drooping with exhaustion by the third conference of the day, and the refreshments really did just that– refreshed me! I’m definitely going to do this when it’s my turn to meet with a teacher.
9. Ask me questions. I usually had a standard spiel I went through with parents, especially at the beginning of the year when I only had initial assessments and a month’s worth of qualitative data to report on. If something doesn’t make sense or you want to know more, please ask!
Those are my tips! I’d love to hear what other parents and teachers have to add to it. Please share in the comments below!
15 responses to “How to Approach a Parent-Teacher Conference”
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I love this, thank you! I’m really looking forward to our first parent/teacher conference because I want to know how he’s doing. His teacher is great about saying little things like “oh, he had a great day today!” but of course I’m dying to know more.
I’m always afraid to ask for too much information or sharing too much… I know they’re busy with lots of kids and I don’t want to be a burden or be perceived as one of “those” parents who are constantly pushing their kids. I’m sure I’ll get better at divining the line between reasonable and overasker, but that is my biggest concern right now. 🙂
Haha I totally understand your concern about being one of “those” parents. (Funny you say it like that, because I always talk with my husband about being “that” girl or “that” mom, and he always laughs at me for it!) I will be trying to find the right balance myself in a few years, as every teacher is different and has a different line.
Not gonna lie– there were some parents who were on the over-asky side of things. More often than that, though, I feel like there were a lot of parents I would have been happy to talk more with, but I sensed that they were worried about overstepping the “overasker line” so they kept their respectful distance. That’s too bad, because I had a lot of great information on their little one that I would have been happy to share with them. I wouldn’t necessarily go out of my way to schedule an extra conference with all 30 of them, but I wouldn’t have minded if some of them initiated an extra conference with me just to get an update and swap stories. Somehow I get the feeling I would’ve enjoyed swapping stories with you :).
Sometimes, in lieu of an extra conference, I wrote letters home to parents when I was just bursting with a good story or praises. (I don’t think that’s a super common practice, though, so maybe consider the extra conference!)
I think it would have been fun to swap stories with you too… you sound like my kind of person. 🙂 (And teacher!)
And I always say “that” parent! Like, Munchkin is awesome at gymnastics (if I do say so myself >_< ) and I want him to be challenged, but I also want him to have fun and enjoy it and I know the coach has a lot more on their mind than just helping him! I don't want to be "that," and it sounds like you know exactly what I mean. Urg… so hard!
We also get a book that the teacher updates with pictures and projects and notes and we get to take that home twice, I think… at the semester breaks… so that will be fun!
Great tips! Wish I would have thought of the pastry and Starbucks idea ! Shoot. Next time 🙂 I’m sure they do appreciate that!
Next time! (…or… any time :)) Thanks for reading!