If you dig through your child’s backpack anytime in the next couple weeks, chances are you will unearth a request for a parent teacher conference! Sometimes I wonder how parents feel about these conferences. Do they look forward to meeting the teacher? Do they get nervous? Do they think it’s a waste of time?
Aside from the exhaustion of teaching all morning and then conferencing in the afternoons, I really looked forward to meeting my students’ parents and guardians. I loved learning more about my students by meeting the people who raised them, and it helped me remember that each of my students are somebody’s baby.
In a few years, it will be my turn to attend the parent teacher conference for my own baby. It will be so strange to be on the other side, but there are a few things I hope to keep in mind when that time comes. Here are some tips I have for parents (including myself) when conference time approaches. They are by no means true for every other or any other teacher, but they are just some thoughts based on experiences I’ve had as a teacher.
1. Show up to your conference. On time. In my first year of teaching, I naively assumed that parent-teacher conferences were important to everyone, and sent out only two notices about the upcoming conferences. That year, half of the parents did not show up for their conference! Since I was legally required to meet with and get signatures from most of them, it was quite an ordeal trying to reschedule 15 conferences on top of my normal teaching schedule the following week. If you can’t make it, at least try to call the teacher ahead of time to give her a heads up. Also try to be punctual. It only takes one parent running 10 minutes late to push all the following appointments back 10 minutes that day.
2. Don’t tell the teacher too much. I’m your child’s teacher, not your bestie. It IS possible to give me too much information. Some stuff is for family to know ONLY. If it’s pertinent to their education or helps shed light onto their development at school, by all means, share. But bathroom stuff stays in the bathroom. (Can you tell I’m still a little scarred? 😯 ).
3. On the other hand, share stories. I usually only see your child at school as a student: someone who reads, writes, listens, talks, and problem-solves. I don’t know the rich experiences, life, and strengths your child has outside of school. Sometimes hearing about their success on the soccer field or an interaction with Grandma really changes the way I understand and view your child. You can really help me care for your child more by opening up other parts of their life to me. When I get a glimpse of their strengths, joys, and compassion outside of school, I feel compelled to bring out the best in them at school, too. Sometimes we just need reminders that these are your children, and not just our students.
4. If you can, find childcare for your adventurous toddler. If your young child is relatively calm (can sit for 10-15 minutes without screaming), no problem. But it’s really hard to make progress in a conference when a toddler is screaming at the table the whole time. It’s also really hard to focus if a child is walking around the room and pulling books and models off shelves, opening up whiteboard markers and jamming them against the whiteboard and cupboards, or otherwise wreaking havoc in the room. If your child is the adventurous type, considering asking your older child to tag along to watch them.
5. If you are divorced, please don’t make us pick sides. We are ultimately here to support your child. We know you are, too. When it comes to divorced parents, there were a few pairs that stood out that I really appreciated. They came to the same conference (helps keep everyone on the same page and increase consistency), and they were clearly on the kid’s team. They put their personal differences aside, and really tried to cooperate and communicate positively to make the best plan for their child. I understand this isn’t possible for everyone, but for those who can, it helps.
6. I’m on your side. If a teacher is suggesting that your child may need special support or accommodations, there are reasons why. If you doubt them (which can be totally valid, too), check with your child’s previous teachers and see if they saw similar needs.
7. Be careful about comparing your child with siblings. Maybe your first one was a gifted writer, and your second one doesn’t love it (yet). I probably know that already. It only takes a day to learn these things about children. It pains me to hear you say to your son, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” Not only does that not help, but it will make him feel even more sure that this subject is not his thing– it’s his sister’s— and he will just hate writing more.
8. A cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt. One time, a parent arrived with fresh pastries from a local bakery as well as a cold bottled water and a Frappucino. Maybe some other teachers will think it’s sucking up, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s just a nice thing to do. I’m usually drooping with exhaustion by the third conference of the day, and the refreshments really did just that– refreshed me! I’m definitely going to do this when it’s my turn to meet with a teacher.
9. Ask me questions. I usually had a standard spiel I went through with parents, especially at the beginning of the year when I only had initial assessments and a month’s worth of qualitative data to report on. If something doesn’t make sense or you want to know more, please ask!
Those are my tips! I’d love to hear what other parents and teachers have to add to it. Please share in the comments below!
15 responses to “How to Approach a Parent-Teacher Conference”
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Keep in mind that this isn’t just about what your teacher can do for you or your child. This is a PARENT teacher conference. Ask what you can do: for your child, for the teacher, for the class. Don’t be intimidated. You will be surprised at the small things that might help: scented stickers, noting approaches that work for you at home, a dollar store addition to the treasure box.
Don’t be offended when the teachers style is different from yours. Your child needs all kinds of styles and people to help them grow emotionally, physically and socially. But, don’t defer to the teacher if you see your child is frustrated because an approach isn’t working. My child only expresses this at home. At school she is a follower afraid to rock the boat or shine too brightly.
Great additions!! I love them both, especially the idea that a different style is not only okay, but can also be good for the child!
These suggestions are spot on! May I share the link to this post on my class web page? A few parents might actually read it, and come to their conference a little better prepared!
Yes, please do! I’m so glad you like the list!
JoEllen, can you give some examples (maybe another post) on questions that parents have asked (from your point #9) that have led to better communication through the year?
I think most parents don’t know what to ask or where to begin. Maybe you can give some suggestions.
Hi Robert! I hope you come back to see this comment :). The short answer is this: it varies depending on what your goals are and how your child is. I’ll email you a longer response. In the meantime, here are times I’m glad parents asked me for more:
-A father asking me how to help bring his daughter’s writing to the next level. She was already meeting standards and doing very well in writing, but I appreciated his desire to see her grow even more in this area (one of my fav. subjects to teach!), so we ended up crafting a special weekly assignment for her. Not every teacher will take on the extra work, but it doesn’t hurt to ask!
-A mother asking me what more she could do at home to help her child improve at reading. I always give basic tips/suggestions for how to support your child as a reader at home, but if I know you are willing and able to invest more time than average, there are many other things you can do to really help take your child’s reading to the next level.
-A parent whose child had some behavioral issues and wanted to know more about behavioral strategies to use at home. It also helps when you know what the teacher is doing so you can try to strengthen the school-home connection and provide consistency in your child’s day.
From the parents’ side, I can’t understand a parent teacher conference being unimportant, but then, these are probably either people who can’t easily get off work, or are late or don’t show up to a lot of stuff.
We are probably nervous/excited to meet the teacher, especially if it is our first or only child. In this day and age achievement and success are so important that the stakes can seem high even in elementary school. If we feel our child is not being challenged, we can get frustrated. We know that the teacher has a lot of different kinds of kids in the class, and we know that they are busy, but we know that each year that goes by that “is too easy” could be an opportunity lost. My daughter is finally being challenged, but it took an AP class in 10th grade to do it. I think it’s just as important to challenge a gifted child as it is to help the child that is behind. Most people seem to think that we should just be grateful and not ask for anything more. We were never about pushing our daughter, but I have the feeling some teachers thought we were. Honestly, the kid taught herself to read at three! We were extremely blessed that she wasn’t a trouble maker. Bored unchallenged child+ trouble maker=havoc and frustration for everyone. Who knows who might be in your classroom? Maybe a future astrophysicist, senator, or professor! Teachers help shape our country’s future. Ok, stepping off the soapbox…
I’m sorry to hear she went so many years without feeling challenged at school. Glad she can push herself more now! Thanks for sharing.
Yes, well if I had somewhere to leave my toddler I’d prefer not to bring her as well, but sometimes it’s just something we all have to deal with. How about putting out some of your classroom toys so that I can concentrate on the words of wisdom you are about to give me?
Haha yes, I understand it’s not that easy to get childcare (especially if it’s just a 15-30 minute meeting)! I do put out toys for the younger kids to play with, but some only appear to be interested in every other part of the room. Those are the ones I’m referring to. In those cases, it would be really great to have someone else watching them, such as their older sibling. It works out really well when the older sibling (the one who is actually in my class) sticks around and kind of herds the little sibling around, which prevents huge messes.