I visited a friend with a newborn recently and we talked birth and newbornness. She reminded me of a ton of stuff I had already forgotten about that I really wished I knew back when our baby girl had just arrived, so I’ll share them with you upcoming and expecting mamas! They are just a few wish I knew that and FYI tidbits for ya!
Veteran parents, please add any other things new parents should know in the comments below– I’m sure all of your wisdom and experience will be appreciated!
1) Newborn: There’s this thing called clusterfeeding. And it is rough.
If you are breastfeeding your baby, expect this to happen several times in the first few weeks, starting on day 3. It’s basically when your baby wants to start feeding again every 30-45 minutes, several times in a row. It’s brutal. I first experienced this the third night we had our baby girl home. I fed her at midnight, which took about 45 minutes because she kept falling asleep while nursing. Five minutes after we’d finished, she was clamoring for more. So I fed her again, for another 45 minutes. Five minutes later, she was crying for more… again! I couldn’t believe it. We had been at it for over two hours already. This happened again, and again, and again… basically from 12-6am. It. Was. Brutal. I didn’t realize this was a thing that babies do that was common and had name and everything (cluster-feeding!) until the fourth round of it, when I finally looked it up online and realized what was happening. By then, I kept thinking “Okay, this has GOT to be the last round, then she’ll sleep!!” To my dismay, there were eight rounds total.
It’s usually supposed to happen in the evenings, and not in the middle of the night. I don’t have much advice for you on this, but just thought it’d be helpful to know so you can stock up on sleep or something beforehand…
2) Newborn to 98 weeks: The 10 Wonder Weeks
Everyone knows about big physical milestones to watch out for, like when baby rolls, crawls, stands, walks, etc. However, there are another set of developmental milestones that don’t get as much air time but are just as exciting, and they are called the Wonder Weeks. I first learned about this from my friend Janette, who mentioned it in response to a desperate email I sent when my baby was just over a month old. Basically, when babies are on the cusp of making a mental leap and are learning new skills or growing in their ability to perceive the world, they can get super duper CRANKY!
I mean, it’s tough. It’s hard enough taking care of a baby as it is, so throw in some really fussy weeks and that makes everybody feel fussy! It is helpful to know when these weeks usually take place. This way, you know your baby is not in pain or sick or something, and can rest a little easier knowing that they’re just preparing for some serious mental growth. It’s also good to know so you can look out for and celebrate their new skills! Janette encouraged me by sharing that, as tough as the wonder weeks are, her child always had amazing growth to show for it afterward. I was really encouraged, and have found them to be pretty much spot on for my daughter.
I liked this website, where a mom gives a helpful chart showing the wonder weeks, the developmental milestone, behaviors to expect, activities that help, how her own daughter behaved during the wonder week, and the leaps her own daughter made afterward. I would look at her daughter’s behaviors and suddenly everything clicked for mine– “OHHHH THAT’S WHY SHE HASN’T BEEN EATING AS MUCH!!” or “OHHH THAT EXPLAINS WHY SHE KEEPS GRABBING ONTO MY LEGS!” or “OHHH THAT’S WHY SHE HAS BEEN FUSSY GOING TO SLEEP LATELY!” It was a lot of ah-hah moments, a lot of “WHEW glad there’s an explanation for this,” and a LOT of “YES this is not going to last forever. Just one more week!”
And every time, that has been true. She gets super clingy/fussy/cranky for a week or so, and then my sunny, happy baby is back– with new skills to show for it! It’s very exciting anticipating the next leap, and makes the whole fussy/wonder week much more bearable.
3) Six Months and On: Starting Solids
You can start feeding your baby “solids” (i.e. real food) at around six months. Also, “solids” is kind of a misnomer, as purees also count as “solids.” So if you hear a mom say she’s starting her baby on solids, that could mean actual solid things like steamed veggies, or it could mean more liquidy purees. This website was super helpful in helping me get a sense of what kinds of foods I could feed my baby, when to feed various foods, how to make it, what combinations to try, etc.
4) Google Shopping Express
I swear they’re not paying me to advertise for them. But if you are in the SF Bay Area or New York, you should seriously consider trying this out when your baby comes. If you need something like diaper rash cream or baby Tylenol or something, you can’t just hop in the car and drive to the store and be back in ten minutes. You have to time your trip with the baby’s nap, then wake, feed, and change them, then pack them up in the car, unload them from the car, go to the store, get your item, load them back into the car, then unload them from the car.
Or you could order it online and have it arrive a few hours later. For free. Google Shopping Express was a lifesaver for me this year!
5) Parent Forums
Find a community of parents you trust and reach out to them for help. You don’t always have time to research everything thoroughly when you need information, whether it’s tips for traveling, questions about different stages, or buying the next car seat. Sometimes, you just need a place to ask other people if they’ve experienced what you’re going through, and it’s surprising (and encouraging!) how many people have been right there, too. Other times, it’s just nice to read others’ posts and get an idea of what to expect in the upcoming stages of your baby’s life. I have appreciated the parents that have offered advice and suggestions for me, and wish every parent had such a resource!
There is, of course, a TON more information out there for you. Good luck navigating all of that! At the end of the day, I also try to balance all my research with trusting that there is only so much I can do and control, and in the end I have to trust that there is a higher power that knows what’s going on and that ultimately, it’s allll good. It’s a hard discipline, but one I constantly find myself coming back to.
13 responses to “Helpful Resources for New Parents”
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Sending this to my sis due 12/23! Thanks!
Thanks, Elizabeth! Congrats, that’s exciting!!
Thank you! This will be really helpful for Cammy..I’m forwarding it to her now!
Congrats again, Auntie Diana! The baby is so cute!!
These are all awesome tips! I love the wonder years one, I hadn’t heard of that!
If I could add a few more:
Lots of moms think they “can’t produce enough milk” if they’re breastfeeding right around 6 weeks/two months. Sadly, this is often during the clusterfeeding too, so new moms seem to think they go hand in hand. They don’t! That 6 week marks is a growth spurt and if you can just nurse through it things will all balance out within a day or two… that is seriously one of the most common topics that comes up in the forum that I’m in.
Amazon Mom… one of the most useful resources I always tell my friends about. It’s not as immediate as google shopping (oh man I wish I had that here!) but you can set up subscribe and save schedules for diapers and wipes. If you’re an amazon prime member, it’s automatically part of your package, but it used to be you could sign up for a year free with an email address. (When we first started, we just switched to another household member’s email.) Having essentials delivered to your door on a schedule was sooooo helpful. I priced out diapers on AM versus in store and there was a definite savings too.
Every kid is different, but some moms like the “baby led” weaning method for solid foods. It’s basically where you don’t puree anything – the baby learns how to deal with small chunks of “real” food – by indicating what they’re interested in. I did purees with Munchkin, but Elf hates anything smooth and textureless, so we ended up doing this by default, and I did notice he learned to deal with chunks and wanted to feed himself much quicker!
And yes yes yes find a forum or a facebook group. Can’t second that one enough!
Thanks for your contributions, Dakota!! Those are great ones– so glad you added them in! I agree on all of them, especially the one about persevering through breastfeeding.
Now that I think of it, I do have Amazon Mom and use the subscribe and save for diapers– great mention!
We did try baby-led weaning first, but tbh I couldn’t stand the mess, so we ended up going the puree route =P Not sure if that was much cleaner, though… haha 🙂 Especially when she sticks her hand in her mouth and then transfers puree from mouth to hair. Sigh. A day in the life of.
I love the Wonder Weeks. You can get an app (definitely for the iPhone, and I am pretty sure for Android phones), input your child’s due date, and get a customized calendar for when your child may be going through the leaps and how you can help.
That is great to know! I wonder why it’s by child’s due date instead of birth date. Do you know?
One of the most helpful pieces of advice I received was “it’s very hard to kill a baby.” So true. The other is “sleep when the baby sleeps.” I didn’t heed the second one of course, like most new parents. When she was sleeping, I was either gazing at her in admiration or hoarding my “me time” like a speed addict: Now I can do 200 things that have nothing to do with the baby!! But I listen to that advice now. She takes a 40-minute nap, and I at least make myself lay down, close my eyes and deep breathe. And not try to listen for that cry. She’ll wake up soon enough!
This was not grammatically correct, but it’s past midnight. AKA I should be sleeping while she is sleeping.
Haha yes I can TOTALLY identify with hoarding “me time.” I also still hear phantom cries from time to time, but I’m getting better and really relaxing when it’s time to sleep :] Thanks for sharing your advice!