She loves me.
Just wanted to share.
My heart is fit to burst :).
We’ve come a long way. A few weeks ago, I shared how she was breaking my heart, but these days she is always asking for me to put her down at night. I have, and it’s been so sweet! But we’ve also since decided that, for consistency’s sake, it’s best if we keep that going-to-bed routine as her special time with Papa. On the whole, we have been working hard to make things more consistent for her, and it has definitely paid off.
Last week was awesome. It was a huge turning point for so many reasons, not the least of which was Baby Boy’s sudden ability to sleep through the night (STTN). He went ahead and did that all on his own. WOOHOO!!! Yes! I know! We win!!! Let’s hope it continues! Last week was also awesome because my little girl was so, so sunny and warm and fun and pleasant. I think it had a lot to do with all the moves we have made toward making her day-to-day life more consistent. And her not being sick. I’m so sorry to all the families with kids who get sick all the time. Big. Hug.
At this point, keeping things consistent basically means declining most of the help available to us, and me choosing to just be “on” all the time. Happily, the timing of this happened to coincide with Baby Bear’s STTN happiness… whew! Thank you, Lord!
Last week was seriously one of the best weeks I can remember having in a very, very long time.
I also learned the secret to SAHM happiness. No really, I discovered the key to going through a day nearly frustration-free and as relaxed as can be. It’s a good one.
When she was just a baby, this was a colorful caterpillar toy that she batted at and pushed around. I rattled it for her, spun the spinny thing around, and made funny faces with it by my face.
For the most part, the toy sat in the basket, something that she rarely reached for.
A few months later, she rediscovered this colorful little guy and to her delight, it rattled and shook and spun! I couldn’t wait for her to discover the fun of pulling it apart and putting it back together in whatever configuration she pleased. Unfortunately, her little hands were not yet strong enough to pull the pieces apart. So, in an effort to show her one way to play with it, I tried setting it up to make it easy for her to pull apart. Sometimes this worked, and she experienced the joy of taking the bug apart… but unless I was right there with her playing with it, her interaction with it was still limited to spinning a bit and rattling a bit. This only kept her interest for so long, but it was a step forward!
Again, the toy found its way to the bottom of the toy bin, smiling but unloved.
One day, as I was rotating toys out, I left it on the floor. When I came back to it, the head was gone.
Wait, the head was gone.
HOORAY! THE HEAD WAS GONE!
I turned and found my daughter, who was turning a yellow and green smiling head about in her hands, “You did it! You took apart the caterpillar!” She smiled and then proceeded to dismantle the whole thing, one segment at a time.
It’s the little things, guys.
As I’ve observed her growing ability to interact with this toy, I couldn’t help but reflect on how
babies : caterpillar toys :: I : Bible
For you younguns, that’s old school SAT speak for babies interact with caterpillar toys like how I interact with the Bible.
I used to always wonder which was the hardest transition for young parents: going from 0 children to 1? From 1-2? From 2-3? I think every parent in each situation will have a different answer, and I find them all fascinating. I used to ask more experienced parents for their take all the time, because I like to know what to expect. I’d be really interested in hearing what your thoughts are! Here are a few thoughts I have now that we’re a few months into our transition into a family of two kids.
1) Preparing for labor is different. On the upside, you don’t have to go to classes to learn how to give birth and how to breastfeed and all that, but the actual going to the hospital part is more complicated. When we had our first child, I just woke Ben up one morning and said, “I think I’m going into labor.” We packed up, then headed out. Simple, right?
This time, the process was a lot more stressful, for many reasons. First of all, we had decided to potty train our daughter, which meant that this 8-month pregnant lady was frequently trying to run around to get this toddler from point A to point B really, really fast. Then this 8-month pregnant lady was stooping, crouching, hoisting, lifting, holding, carrying, bending, etc. etc. to achieve potty training goals which, let me tell you, is NO FUN. None. My body said so too, with false contractions eventually driving me to bed rest.
As if that all was not stressful enough, these false contractions also led me to think I was about to have a baby. All the time. Apparently the more babies you have, the more likely this is to happen. So that was a lot of false contracting. This meant that instead of storing up much needed Zzz’s at 2… 3… 4… 5am, I was busy timing the minutes between contractions, trying to determine whether or not it was time to head to the hospital. And several times, it was… except it wasn’t. As in, the contractions were regularly under 5 minutes apart, hurt, and all that jazz… but we didn’t go to the hospital yet because of…
Stressor #3: Finding childcare. We have a ton of friends and family around who all were willing to help at this time, but we really didn’t want to call them up to come over at 3am only to send them home at 8am with false labor reports. If we really did call for help each time we were 95% sure I was going into labor, that would have been like 5 false alarms. So instead, I lay in bed stressed all the time about whether or not to make the calls and head to the delivery room and all that. GUYS IT WAS SO STRESSFUL. Especially because all of these false labor incidents decided to happen during normal sleeping hours (i.e. 11pm-6am!).
All this to say, you can’t just tap your hubby at 4am and say, “It’s time!” and then calmly head out the door. You have to prep your toddler, prep the people who will care for her, and then be reallyreallyreally sure you’re going to have a baby before troubling all the people to come help. GLAD THAT IS DONE.
She was perched in her high chair drinking milk when I peered into her face and sang out, “Today for breakfast, we’re having… PANCAKES!” She squealed with delight, showing enthusiasm for pancakes in a way only a toddler can really do.
“PANCAKE PANCAKE! I WAN SOME PANCAKE!!” (not a typo)
“Yep yep, just give me a few minutes to mix it up and cook it!”
Rookie mistake. Breakfast rule #1: Do not tell the child you are serving pancakes until the pancakes are already DONE.
Unfortunately, I had realized that twenty-two seconds too late.
So my leisurely pancake-making morning turned into a frenzied dump this dump that, mix mix mix, get the fire going rush to the whines of a hungry almost two year old.
“You need to be patient, sweetheart. It’ll be a few minutes. Can you be patient?” I asked.
Yet I knew, even as I was asking it, that my little girl had no concept of patience yet. I had to teach it to her. And before I could teach it to her, I had to break it down and define it in a way that made sense to a toddler.
Patience. Let’s see. How do I explain patience…? Patience is… waiting quietly? Hm, not quite… 2 tsp. baking powder… 1/2 tsp. salt… Patience… waiting with a good attitude? But she doesn’t necessarily understand attitude yet. 1 egg. 1 cup of milk. Honey. Patience is… waiting nicely? Yes. Let’s go with that. Waiting nicely. And how do I teach that?
Suddenly, a vision flashed in my mind of 33 students sitting up with straight backs, quiet hands, and eyes focused on me. If I could get 33 fourth graders to give me their patient, undivided attention, surely I could get this one 1-year old to do the same.
Okay that logic actually makes zero sense, but still, it was worth a shot.
I paused mid-mix and turned to my whiny child,
This sounds like a dramatic post, doesn’t it?
It’s not. Not really.
I just wanted to get your attention. Looks like it’s working so far. But it is about losing my heart. Sort of.
A couple weeks ago, my brother’s family came over for breakfast and a play date for the kiddos. Somewhere along the way, we started talking about memories, and my brother shared one of his core childhood memories with me.
“I still remember that time you lost your heart sticker,” he began.
“Wait, one of your core memories is about me losing a sticker?” I asked.
“Yeah, do you remember that?” he asked.
“Nope. Don’t remember it.”
“You don’t? We were in the garage trading stickers with one of the neighborhood kids, and you said there was only one sticker you wouldn’t trade: your shiny heart sticker. It was your favorite. But
I just realized I ran out of scheduled posts. OOPS! Well hello, here I am in real-time again :). Yes, I had some real-time posts in the last couple of months, but for the most part my posts were scheduled. I hope you enjoyed the series of guest posts (I sure did!) and I hope you’re also happy to have me back :].
I have so many things I want to share with you. The transition from 1 to 2. Thoughts on thankfulness. Random things I remembered from teaching. An awesome chocolate shortbread recipe. A new toy I got… which begot a new idea on how to save time in the kitchen. My dad’s potato pork pancake recipe (*drool* finally got reproducible measurements out of him, which is a WIN for all generations to come!). There is so much to share. I have no idea how I will find the time to get it all out. Oh well. We’ll figure it out.
In the meantime, here are two things that I wanna put out there today:
I don’t usually do lists, but I just kept noticing these things and thought, I can’t be the only one. I know life is about 100x more convenient for the modern parent today than it was for our parents back in the day, but still! Parenting is no easy gig. Parents, read on and see if you can relate to any of these daily occurrences that you probably didn’t think twice about before having kids!
9 Things You Only Notice When You Become a Parent
9. Sidewalks that don’t have ramps.
This.
8.Where every drive-thru Starbucks is. Because as precious as that cup of coffee is, it’s just not worth lugging the baby out of the car for. Or maybe it is. Or not. Or is.
OR DRIVE-THRU STARBUCKS. Problem solved.
7. Where all the elevators are in the mall. I park at Nordstrom because it comes with an elevator which makes life with a stroller so nice! I also know exactly where all of the other TWO of the elevators in our expansive mall are located. And the nursing area. And the children’s play area. And Starbucks. And about 10 other kid-friendly places that, five years ago, I didn’t even know existed.
6. Uncovered electric outlets. You bring your toddler to a friend’s place and realize the world is truly a dangerous, dangerous place. What kind of crazy people don’t cover their electric outlets and cushion their coffee table corners?!
5. The absence of a gate is a wonderful, wonderful thing. We’ve gone through several configurations with gating off areas of the house in the last year or so, but we are now nearing the best one: NO GATES AT ALL. I can’t even count the number of bruises and bumps I’ve received from turning the corner too fast through a gate or tripping over a gate.
Every time we’ve removed one of the gates, I feel a new freedom as though we’ve renovated a section of our house. I love it.
4. Where all the automatic door opening button entrances are.
And all the nice people in the world who hold doors open for you so you can push that stroller through the doors without looking like a clumsy noob of a mom.
Anyone who has had a baby girl has had someone, at some point, compliment her on her cute baby boy. Unless your darling is decked out in frills, lace, pink and/or hearts, it can be hard for people to immediately tell what gender your child is. But I didn’t always feel like dressing my daughter in everything girly, so sometimes I used a simple bow to give others a hint. Also, they’re so CUTE! 🙂
It can actually fit quite a number of clips!
I bought most of these clips off Amazon
I’m not really that girly, and I don’t expect my daughter to be, but this was a super simple project that was both practical and looked nice. Why not? Also a fun way to display clips if you’re hosting a baby shower and hair clips are part of the baby shower crafting fun
I knew the arrival of a new baby would be tough on her. I knew she’d have some serious adjusting to do, going from being an only child to a big sister. I had devoted the last two years of my life to her (nearly three, if you count the pregnancy), and she knew nothing but my undivided attention and time.
I had expected that she would start showing favoritism toward her daddy. I had expected that she would show some resentment toward her little brother. I expected she would be jealous for my time and attention.
But still, it didn’t prepare me for her bubbly soft and sharp-edged words: I don’t like Mama.
Tears sprang in my eyes and I stood there, unmoving. I was nursing her brother but trying to be part of her bedtime routine to encourage our former connection, trying to invest more of myself and my time in her. I knew she missed me, and that her words probably came from a place of confusion, but it cut to my heart like nothing ever has before.
I don’t like Mama.
I wanted to grab her and hug her and pour myself into her and remind her of all the good times we’d had together. I wanted to ask her, “We had a date at the museum, remember? I took you to the zoo, remember? We played at the park and went to the library and went for walks and played at Gymboree… remember? Remember?? I carried you for nine months, vomiting the whole way through, singing to you and talking to you and loving you… remember? I went through the excruciating pain of nursing you, with tears, sweat, and blood. Mastitis. Sleeplessness. But I persevered. For you. Remember?? I held you through the night and came to you when you cried and played with you in your fort and made you a beautiful room- remember? Remember, little bear? Don’t you know how much I love you???”
Instead, I walked out of the room and cried. It had been a few weeks coming, and this finally broke me. I don’t cry very easily, but it only takes a few words from my darling to break open the floodgates.
The next night, I debated on whether or not to join in on her bedtime routine again. It was asking for hurt. I knew she was going to ask for it, shining her sweet smile at me and asking, “Together? Do it together?” Every night since her brother was born, she asked that we put her down together, reading her book, praying, and swaying in a group hug as we sang her bedtime song. She would wrap one arm around Ben as he held her, and wrap her other arm around my neck, pulling me close to her and holding me tightly. I could hear her soft breath in my ear, and I sang gently and sweetly in her ear. I loved it. Though I am not usually a huge fan of physical affection, I could cuddle and snuggle with my children all. day. long. So I basked in that unusual display of affection and treasured the moments she wanted me close.
But one night, after pulling me in close, she suddenly pushed me away and said, “Just Papa.” I stood there, stunned, and tried to finish the song with Ben, but she pushed me away again and said, “Bye, Mama.”
I had never felt such cold, solid rejection.
I quietly walked out of the room and tried to tell myself it was all part of her transition and adjustment. She was dealing with a lot, after all, and a toddler only has so many ways to process such emotions, right?
The next night, she did it again.
And again.
And again.
Each night, my husband would come out and give me a comforting pat on the arm, offering a sympathetic look. I tried not to be jealous. We were a team. He was, after all, spending most of her waking hours with her, so this was only natural, right? And if she was going to prefer someone over me, it had better be him.
But after a while, you just don’t want to go in and get pushed away again. She was playing with my heart, and I was tired of getting stepped on. Each night, I would resolve to let Ben put her down himself, but when she looked up at me with shining eyes and asked, “Together? Do it together?” I melted each time and thought, “Maybe tonight, just maybe, she’ll keep me.”
And each time, it would end with her pushing me away, shattering my heart in a way only this 1-year old could do.
I knew I was asking for it, yet I kept going back, hoping she’d change.
She hasn’t, yet. Tonight, I walked out quietly again, wondering how many more times I was going to take this.
Why do I do it? I don’t know. Because she’s my daughter. Because some day, she will realize she’s not upset with me, and that I still do love her as much as before, even if I can’t spend as much time with her.
But mostly, I do it because I want her to know that I love her unconditionally, even if she keeps rejecting me. I want her to know that no matter how many times she pushes me away, I will always be there for her when she asks. Because that’s what Jesus would do. Because that’s what Jesus continues to do for us. No matter how many times we push him away, forget him, ignore him, put others before him, He still chooses to love us unconditionally. He is always there, and he will always be there when we reach for him- no matter how many times we’ve broken his heart.
He delights in nothing more than having us pull him close, enjoying the soft gentle song in his voice and feeling him close. He loves to be there for us, and loves to be loved by us. He loves to love us. And he will keep loving us no matter how many times we push him away.
I’ve never known heartache like the way I’m experiencing now. I never thought you could give so much of yourself to a little person, offer yourself so vulnerably to this immature and capricious creature, only to have your heart thrown around like a ping-pong ball.
I now know a little bit more of our Father’s heart- his devotion and affection for us, his delight in us. I also know a little more of the pain and heartache he chooses to endure for the sake of loving us. I don’t know why he does it, but I know I appreciate it a little bit more today than I did yesterday.
HE’S HERE! And he’s a delight! And we are doing well!! =D
And I totally should have gone to bed a couple hours ago, but, well… online shopping and me-time. Poor choices, I know.
And then I realized that I have no posts ready for this week. So I wanted to share with you something I made a couple months ago: a carseat canopy!
I could have gotten it for a reasonable price at www.carseatcanopy.com (they have these free deals every so often where you only pay for shipping, which makes it a good deal :)), but I wanted a unique design for my son’s canopy, and I also wanted to make something for him. I made a ton of things for his older sister before she was born, but hardly did any prep for baby boy’s arrival, so this was one of my small projects to say, “BABY BOY! I AM EXCITED ABOUT YOU, TOO!!”
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