This post is part of my series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior.
When I was in teacher school, I remember someone telling us that it’s best if students are intrinsically motivated do things. The idea was that children should just naturally want to improve for the sake of improving or gaining mastery, and that they should not require external forces or rewards to motivate them. We were even told that, as teachers, we should avoid phrases like, “I really like how Eric is sitting quietly,” or “Thank you, class, for beginning your work right away.” If we phrased things like that, students might start behaving well to please you, the teacher.
Oh dear.
Honestly, I never really figured out how to tap into the intrinsically-motivated angel in every child. True, most students entered my class with a strong personal desire to do their best and try hard at everything, from academics to behavior. Every year, though, I’ve had at least a couple of children who would probably rather eat dirt than write a paragraph, or who would wreak havoc at recess if there were no consequences. When attempts to appeal to the self-motivated child within failed, I resorted to the next best thing I could think of: offering rewards. I’m not gonna lie, it works like a charm.
It usually happens in high chairs at restaurants, sitting in carts at grocery stores, and in strollers at church. The same thing seems to happen every time:
- Baby chews on toy.
- Baby drops toy on ground and cries.
- Parent picks up toy and returns it to baby.
- Repeat steps 1-3 again… and again… and again.
Sound familiar? The only variation seems to be that some parents put away the dirtied toy and hand baby a new one from their cache. (“Diaper bags” are a misnomer– these things are actually decorated toy bags :)). BTW, if this is you, then you might as well fill your toy bag with age appropriate and educational toys! This article has a ton of information on selecting just-right toys for your child.
In our home, we definitely fall closer to the germaphobic extreme (you know, new parents…). Since I didn’t want to haul around a bag of toys, I came up with a solution: toy clips!
This post is part of my series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior.
I think I’ve had about six or seven headaches ever in my life. Last night, I had my eighth. My head was growing foggy and I grew frustrated as I tried to wrap my head around how to explain my method for shaping children’s behavior. Every time I started a new paragraph, there would be some small but crucial concept that I felt the need to explain first. As I branched off and my explanations and illustrations grew, I would run across yet another concept I felt compelled to cover more thoroughly. This kept happening and before I knew it, I had spiderwebbed out of control and lost track of my initial direction. Headache, I tell you. I lay on the couch in despair. This was harder than any writing assignment I’d ever had in college or grad school, and that’s saying a lot.
I couldn’t just go back to post one and continue, skimming over these other essential points. It would be like trying to teach the algorithm for long-division without ensuring that my students were fluent in subtraction, multiplication, and a host of other concepts first. It just wouldn’t be right. Sure, I could spit out the step-by-step directions, but it would not mean anything or be nearly as effective if we didn’t first have a good foundation of fundamentals.
I am trying to teaching something I think is really important here. In the last several years of working with children, I always had this feeling that I had something really useful to share with the world. I’m thrilled that I finally get to do that! However, while I’ve been trying to frame it as “a few important lessons,” I’m realizing it’s more like a whole unit. I had envisioned starting off this series with an introductory overview, followed by a handful of detailed posts. After bouncing ideas around with my husband, however, I’ve decided to revamp my approach. I’m going to start with the fundamentals, and then put it all together in the end. That’s actually how my first two parenting/teaching posts on A Better Way to Say Sorry and Preventing Misbehavior came about in the first place. I had been trying to write up other posts when these two ideas came up, and I realized they merited their own posts.
This next post is completely appropriate, given the conclusions I arrived at last night. Instead of shallowly touching on several big concepts in one post, I will focus on one thing at a time. And today, the topic is exactly that: teach one new thing at a time.
Teach one new thing at a time
If there is something you want a child (or anyone) to learn well, follow this advice: teach just one new thing at a time. If it’s a new procedure, use familiar material. If it’s new material, use a familiar procedure. As a teacher, this played out in many different ways for me. When I wanted students to learn a new vocabulary activity, for example, I used simple words they were very familiar with to teach it to them. This way, students could focus on learning the new activity without fumbling over what the words meant or getting frustrated with how to spell them. Once they grew comfortable with this activity, I could turn it around and use this now-familiar procedure to teach them new vocabulary words. If I had given them new words and a new activity at once, it would have been a frustrating experience and neither would have been learned as well.
Teach one new thing at a time is an effective principle for teaching anything new—a new skill, new content, a new procedure. For the purpose of this series, I will apply it to teaching good behavior.
As promised, I’m working on a series of posts on how to shape children’s behavior. It’s taking some time, so I hope you enjoy this tasty dish in the meantime!
One of my favorite meals to prepare is brunch. Not only are many dishes guilty-yummy, but brunch usually means good friends and warm conversation– YAY! I randomly came across this fun recipe a few years ago. It’s super easy to put together, and it’s a unique way to offer proteins other than the usual bacon and sausage. It’s been a hit every time I’ve made it; it looks great, but also tastes delicious. I also appreciate having a baked item for brunches, so you don’t have to man the stove when you’d rather be chatting with friends. A tasty, unique dish with a fun twist on a popular children’s book
This post is part of my series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior.
I believe that children want to be good. I think even the most challenging children wish, in their core, that they could behave well. I imagine it’s not dissimilar to the way adults want to be more disciplined about exercise, eat a generally balanced diet, or get their finances in order. It would be nice, but sometimes we just can’t seem to keep it up. Breaking poor habits is one of the first of many difficult steps in forming better ones. Wouldn’t it would be much easier if we could just go find our younger selves and keep poor habits from forming in the first place? Until time machines work, then, let’s do our children a favor and help them build good habits before the bad ones begin. This, of course, is also known as prevention. Today, I hope to share with you some reasons why you should be proactive about anticipating and preventing misbehaviors, and how you can more effectively do so.
It’s quite possible that this is the food item that birthed this blog. Dan and Kim were over for a simple lunch of leftovers: butternut squash soup and quesadillas. They enjoyed the soup just fine, but when Daniel bit into his quesadilla–CRUNCH– his eyes opened wide and, through a mouthful of food, he exclaimed, “This is SO GOOD! What did you do to it?! It’s so good!”
I was beaming. Nothing elevates a compliment like someone giving it with their mouth still full of food.
The answer is simple. I gave it a parmesan crust! Mmmmm!! A lot of people seem to like burritos, but I’m a quesadilla girl myself. Quesadillas take the best parts of a burrito (meat, cheese), drop off the less tasty parts (rice, lettuce, beans), and are pan-fried for that delectable crunch! If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll notice that I love crunchy things: crispy skin on chicken, crispy cheese layer on quiches, crispy bacon… I could go on. Adding a parmesan crust does to a quesadilla what a good pan-fry does to a potsticker. You know what, I’ll just let the unfiltered iphone 4s photo convince you:
This post is part of my series on How to Shape Children’s Behavior.
“Say sorry to your brother.”
“But he’s the one who–”
“Say it!” you insist, an edge of warning in your voice.
He huffs, rolls his eyes to the side and says flatly, “Sorry.”
“Say it like you mean it,” you demand.
“Sorrrrry,” he repeats, dragging out the word slowly with bulging eyes and dripping insincerity.
You sigh in defeat and turn to #2, “Now tell him you forgive him.”
“But he doesn’t even mean it!”
“Just say it!”
“iforgiveyou…” he mutters, looking down to the side dejectedly.
“Now be nice to each other.”
Harumphy silence.
This scenario might sound all too familiar– if not from your experiences as a parent, then at least your own experiences as a child. It’s easy to see how it isn’t always that effective. You, the teacher/parent/authority, probably benefit from it the most because now at least you can feel like you did something about it, allowing you to close the case. Problem solved… now stop bickering. You know inside, however, that the offended still feels bitter, because the apology was not sincere. And while it may seem like the offender got off easy– not even having to show proper remorse or use a sincere tone–he is actually the one who loses out the most. He not only learns a poor lesson that he can get away with lies and empty words, but does not have the opportunity to experience true reconciliation and restoration of relationships. He will probably continue inflicting similar offenses, feel less remorse than he should, and undergo less positive character change than he could have.
But what alternative do you have? What else are you supposed to do? It’s not like you can force a genuine apology and repentant heart out of him, right?
Actually, you can. It’s not 100%, but it’s a lot more % than the scenario you read above.
You’ve probably seen wine charms
I still remember the first time. I was a college student. We were at Crepevine in Berkeley, and I probably should have gotten something off the savory menu. It was, after all, dinner time. But I couldn’t resist, and instead I selected The Jamaican: Bananas in Caramel Rum Sauce.
I was intrigued. Caramel? Rum? Bananas? What on earth would that taste like? Soon, I found out.
It was spectacular. I had never really had cooked bananas before this, but cooking them in a buttery caramel sauce was definitely the way to go. I wasn’t sure if that addictive flavor was the caramelized banana, the buttery browned caramel, or maybe… the rum? It didn’t matter. When you melded them together and then topped it on smooth, vanilla bean ice cream and a touch of whipped cream, it was magic. My taste buds swooned over the new notes of delicious, and I felt like Remy in Ratatouille as he explained the beauty of food to his brother in the alleyway, fireworks and all. Mmmm.
So of course, the next step was to make it. It wasn’t very hard, actually. There was obviously butter, sugar, rum, and bananas in it. I’d figure out the rest.
…Turns out, that’s all it took. Four ingredients = an explosion of happy in my mouth.
Growing up, mall food was a thing of luxury to me. You know, Chinese parents. In the same way that going to the movies meant enjoying buttery popcorn by smell, I could only enjoy the flavors of Cinnabon and Mrs. Field’s Cookies through their intoxicating scents, inhaling deeply the way I imagine Charlie did when walking past Mr. Wonka’s gates. Looking back, I’m glad my parents didn’t spoil me by buying me whatever I wanted. But I’m equally glad I can spoil myself by making whatever I want, now.
Several years ago, Ben and I plotted to visit the local mall to get a special Cinnabon-y treat. For some reason, it had come to mind and we were both craving it. When we arrived, mouths watering and splurge-ready (I’m pretty sure mall food will feel like a splurge for the rest of my life), we were distraught to find that it had closed right before we arrived! Noooooo!!!!
On the way home, disappointed and hungry for sweets, I decided we could just make it ourselves. I looked it up and found a promising recipe– “Clone of a Cinnabon” on allrecipes.com. Unfortunately, the instructions required a breadmaker. There’s probably an easy workaround, but I’m no bread master, so I had to study the comments to figure it out. Here is the resulting recipe after reading dozens of comments and reviews! I also increased the proportion of filling and icing. Noms. It breaks my 8-ingredient preference (although you should have most of the pantry items already), but trust me– it’s worth it. So deliciously worth it!
The ooey gooey cinnamony and buttery brown sugar filling screams comfort food, and the cream cheese icing is just a melty glob of lip-smacking yum! I add a splash of lemon juice to my frosting to give it a little zing. Most people can’t tell what it is, but it gives it that extra something that makes it really finger-licking delicious! My favorite is the very middle, where you have the highest ratio of sweet filling to bread, and can wipe up all the extra frosting into one marvelous final bite. Sigh.
You can make these the night before and refrigerate them, then pop them into the oven the next morning. You can also freeze them and thaw them in the refrigerator the night before you plan to make them, so it’s a great make-ahead treat as well!
There are few things better than waking up to the warm scent of brown sugar, butter and cinnamon wafting through your room! It’s a perfect way to wake your loved ones on a Saturday morning, and also reheats wonderfully in the microwave for a midnight snack!
Meet JoEllen
Subscribe via Email
Top Posts & Pages
Categories
